Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had my break down this weekend. I'm sick of my body hurting, I'm sick of not feeling good. I want to be everything to everyone and yet I can't do anything for myself. The tears are rolling down my face as I type this cause I don't even know how to do that.
How do turn my life around? I've tried the resolutions and that didn't work cause I didn't feel good. I have the answer to my problems or at least a solution as slow as it seems. and I know it's only been 4 days of antibiotics (but I still don't feel good) I'm hopeful that I'll get there and yet scared. I think I've become grumpy and pessimistic to life. and I just don't know how to turn that around.

Pretty Productive Day!

Please forgive the mumble jumble of pictures.... I just can't get them to line up nicely and I'm too tired to deal with it! :)

I was able to take the day off today!!! It was much needed after working all weekend. So I started the day off with, sleeping in!! It was amazing, while I kind of wanted to get up earlier to accomplish something, I went on sleeping! Then I was able to talk to Brian, which always makes my day! I ate a little lunch, and then watched the E true Hollywood story of Saved by the Bell, and I may have napped a little more! I then finally awoke from my lazy day and decided to pick up all the clothes in my room… IT NEEDED IT!! I wanted to move some of my furniture around but that'll have to wait for another day, when I can get someone else to help me move stuff around, cause it's also going to have to take some re organization… but I think ultimately it'll really be a lot nicer for me to accomplish more. Now I just need to find the time and person to get someone to help me out! Ha! I was reminded that tomorrow is a potluck at work, so I had to run to the grocery store to make this DELICIOUS Corn Dip,

I make mine a lot more spicy then my mom makes hers, so I added some festive jalapenos on the top so hopefully people get the hint that it's going to be spicy! I had already wrapped Brians gifts for him. (Which is really funny seeing as how most of the stuff I am sending him he actually bought and I'm just forwarding on to him, I went ahead and wrapped that stuff up too!) But I needed to add tags to them. I love the way it all turned out, I just hope it doesn't get messed up in transit! I also finished the Stocking I made, I had wanted to make a really nice one, but thought this one was cheaper and would be able to keep my occupied in decorating it while serving the purpose… it also won't offend me if he tosses it after the season. I cut everything out on my own and of course added ample glitter. I'm actually really pleased with the way it turned out! So now it's off to bed! Tomorrow night I hope to clean up my living room and put away some of that junk from this last semester! J

Private Matters

While writing my post for my blog, I have tried to use discretion on names, and events. I feel like my dirty laundry doesn't need to be hung everywhere to see, while I do enjoy being able to vent a little publicly... I don't though understand how people can put their emotions on their facebook status when they are completely inappropriate!!! There has been now 4 people on my facebook (2 of which I have already de-friended) That completely diss their spouse on facebook on their status! How disgusting is that? Now I understand people have marital issues and I don't doubt that being married is hard... but I fail to see how it would make one feel better to publicly embarrass each other, especially when your friends are friends with your spouse!
Tonight's occasion bothered me the most I think because I expected better out of this person, the previous two people I could easily have seen this talk but not the one I read tonight it read...
- Seriously thinking I should of never got married. Maybe people were right saying we were too young.
This 1. breaks my heart that she would be in pain but also it makes me ill to think that this should be public knowledge...
I have to say that this post isn't as demeaning as the other posts I've scene but I feel like If I truly had an issue with my other half then I need to take it up with him first... If I can't talk to him about it, I have my family, and friends. I don't mean to sound like I'm on a soap box but when did become ok to demean your spouse over the Internet?
- I understand that there are other issues in lives that make these things dirty, but I just don't want to read about this stuff on facebook.

It's the most wonderful time of the year! :)

Alright, I'm back and smiling... ok I'm back! ha! I'm stressed to the gills, and of course when I'm stressed I tend to dwell on the negative. so this posting is focusing on a few of my favorite things.My moms Christmas tree! I love gold and red! I love being home around Christmas, I love the smells and the presents and the shopping I love Christmas trees!

This is my Christmas tree! :) It used to be in my parents basement every christmas, it's nice and small, kinda perfect for my apartment, it also brings a little bit of home to me.

This is my moms nativity, there is actually a light in the barn. I do love it.

Oh our fireplace! the most amazing place around Christmas, I love our stockings, there were made by my mom! I love how they are all unique and home made.I LOVE OUR STOCKINGS! the painted santas all along the bottom were painted by my Aunt and my mom, I still remember my mom and her painting them in our basement. I think they are extremely cute!

This is a new edition, its a lantern that normally just houses a candle, but my mom had the great idea of just filling it with a thing of potpourri then shut it again, it is REALLY COOL!!!

So those are just a few of my favorite things! 

An indescribable Pain

I'm 23 years old, suppose to be working on a research paper, well wrapping it up. I have another 8 page research paper due next Tuesday, a Final on Thursday, and another take home final due next Tuesday. It's freezing in my apartment, but if I turn the heaters back on I'm hot. I'm tired, my apartment needs cleaned, there is a package I want to send to my boyfriend and yet I haven't yet. I haven't done Christmas shopping yet, and while my work has been great at letting me off to work on things, I still feel like I'm so behind I can't catch up… THROUGH all this…. The only thing on my mind is how much pain I'm in. It's not normal to have your side feel like someone is stabbing you with a knife and taking all down your right side. This pain isn't supposed to continue on and on again. No amount of stretching or fidgeting will heal it. And with all the stuff I have to do all I want to do or end up doing is crying because I'm in pain, and it hurts and I don't want to hurt anymore.

P.S. I'm tired and probably a little emotional, so this may seem like a pity party, please don't worry once I get some sleep I'm sure I'll feel better emotionally.

Insert Cliché of Thankful Here!

Earlier this week I was battling myself, in a post that I actually never posted, I'm glad I didn't post it. For the most part I was just whining about change and about being "left" behind. And while I may not be the quickest learner I do learn and progress.

I now realize that even with change, it'll be ok. It'll be ok because I have an amazing family and friends. I understand that it may sound like a cliché but after this week, I know it's not for me.

First let me start off with my Mom. My mom made the most amazing meals in the last 2 days, even when she didn't have to she went ahead and planned a thanksgiving dinner, in which she probably never would have had to if I didn't want it so badly. I didn't even have to twist her arm to do it, but she prepared the MOST AMAZING Thanksgiving dinner after already making a pork tenderloin dinner the night before with extra desserts. It's the subtle things that my mom does that really blow my mind. On Wednesday night she knew I didn't like the other vegetables at dinner, so she let me cook green beans… We had plenty of other amazing delicious dishes. On Thursday morning there was delicious Eric Estrada Casserole (unfortunately I became sick immediately following my favorite breakfast) but as soon as I became queasy my mom was there helping me out, and yet somehow managed to make yet another amazing meal for everyone, and also made me rice crispy treats to try to make me feel better. I mean we had a myriad of other desserts but she went ahead and made rice crispy treats because she knew they were my favorite! She hosted a BEAUTIFUL thanksgiving for friends that we had invited out! It really was an amazing thanksgiving… while earlier this week I was being negative I realized now that while things are changing, these are also good things too, because I have family and friends still all around me.

Once everyone had left and I had developed a fever my mom after WORKING HER TAIL OFF ALL DAY, rubbed my back, and focused on me. She listened to be blubber like an idiot because I didn't feel good and was feeling down. Then again this morning she got up to go to work, and made sure my fever had broke, had me call the dr and after a discussion took me to the emergency room… yes we spent the day after thanksgiving in the Emergency room, a trip that literally took 6 hours, with little results. My mom never once made me feel bad for wasting her day. She is amazing for sticking through it with me!

My dad, who does everything for my mom and for me. Every time I asked for something yesterday he got it, took care of it, and never once complained or told me I could get it myself. Once my mom and I got home we then realized that he had done ALL of the laundry too! And that wasn't a small task! My dad makes me laugh, laughs at my jokes and reminds me to stay spiritual. It never ceases to amaze me how strong my dad is, and what a great example he is. When I was younger, ok two years ago, if I was upset about something my dad would simply ask "Did you pray about it?" It'd set me off and make me so mad. Now it's a refreshing reminder that all I need to do is pray. My dad is constantly putting others before him, and takes care of everyone. I'm in constant admiration of my dad.

So today I'm extremely thankful for my parents! I know I have an amazing set of family and friends too, but today I want to focus on my parents! Mom and Dad if you read this... I love you and Thank you!

Spoiled!

It's days like this that I realize how spoiled I am. While I don't feel good, and have 100 things on my plate, I was able to talk to B everyday for the last 3 days, at least for 10 min each day, just a few lines at the least....and then today nothing. We knew there'd be days like this, and I'm really remaining strong it's just funny to think how spoiled I have been and how when I am able to talk with him, I shouldn't take it for granted. Actually as I type this I realize that I did talk to him today...I just feel like it's been forever.
So I'm spoiled, those who truly know me have known that fact for a while... but I'm also thankful, and am extremely spoiled because I have someone who lights up my day or even my week!! :)

Rug Purchase Accomplished!

I bought a rug today!!!! It won't be here for a week, but I can't wait!!!
I got the lamp all put togather, and only have like 1 box to finish going through... Life is great!!
here is the rug.
http://www.homedepot.com/h_d1/N-5yc1vZ1xk3/R-100628312/h_d2/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&storeId=10051&catalogId=10053
I'm lossing a little motivation... but I'm trying! :)

A Long Day!

So I know this is my second posting for the day but I just gotta do it, it's become therapeutic to me. Today's progress… not much. I went to work and class. But then I got some more craft supplies that I was needing.. I'm not going to lie hobby lobby overwhelms me. Prices also overwhelm me so…. The most beautiful craft I was going to make… well I'll have to wait till I'm rich to make but that's ok. I made another magazine tree. This one was out of a reader's digest so its smaller… it's also a lot thinker which was cool! I got a creaser from Hobby Lobby, I don't know if it would have turned out as nicely if I hadn't gotten that tool! I'm glad I stumbled upon it!

Tomorrow I need to organize my crafts, and clean a little bit more. I vacuumed tonight in preparation for the new rug well and a special guest I have tomorrow… I can't wait!

Today has been long. Its been a few days since I've talked to B, and well I miss him. I'm hoping time and more understanding will make this feeling subside. I tried to remain busy but no matter what I do, He's on my mind. I know that this will make us stronger, but its still hard, different and something I just wasn't quite ready for. So I'll just say an extra prayer tonight and hope he's thinking about me too. J

Must Remain Strong!

So my positivity is out the window as of 9 this morning. I don't feel good! I'm sick of not feeling good!! I want to feel normal again! If I'm suppose to eat something with my medicine so that my medicine can make me feel better, I don't think it's fair that I only feel more sick and more nauseous!!! Plus it leaves a NASTY taste in my mouth!!! I just don't think it's fair!!! Plus I have to wait till the 29th before I get CONSULTATION to figure out whats wrong... I mean they might not even have any thing for me at that point. I could go in answer a bunch of questions and still be left with the biggest question unanswered... What's wrong with me? I hate this feeling! I hate not knowing, I hate knowing that tomorrow I won't feel better. I used to think maybe it just needed to kick in but after 3 weeks... I've lost hope! I'm nauseous, my stomach feels sour, I have odd indigestion, and a stabbing pain every once in a while (it varies in location sometimes it's in my front sometimes the side, sometimes the back, one thing remains constant it's around my intestines!). I feel like it's not normal to sit at a desk and every once in a while have to move or try to catch my breath because a stabbing pain is shooting through my intestine! I feel like trips to the bathroom shouldn't take 20 min and not have much of an outcome! (maybe a little TMI but this is my journal and this is my rant!)
Ok I do feel better now though, so I'll go back to sitting at my desk working on the computer, trying not to cry.
Not to mention my physical pain, my emotional pain is that I feel like I'm failing as an employee, and a student. But I don't feel good!! So I don't want to do anything but lay around and not move, I want to be in sweatpants, in the comforts of my own home.  I'm trying to remain strong, I hate people worrying about me or being weak. So I'm back to being strong.

Day One, Starts with Snow! :)

So it began today, the change. Ha! Ok so it was a late start after not feeling well through most of the night but the day started none the less. I got up got ready and headed to work. Worked, there was a game today but I was still incredibly nauseous and had the weirdest indigestion so my boss thankfully let me go home once I got everyone settled and ready for the game. I'm extremely thankful for my number 2 man, without him my boss wouldn't be as flexible… Thank God J is there!!
So while physically I feel like I'm going downhill, emotionally I'm feeling better! Since my boss let me go home earlier I swung by Target on my way home so I could get some Zantac and Benadryl to ease some of my nausea and indigestion. (btw, if you want Benadryl from Target you have to get the off brand kind because the real stuff received a recall and it's on the bottom shelf under the Zyrtec, it only took me 20 min to figure that out!) but I had already known I wanted a Lamp from there so I ran down the aisle too to get that while I was there. (you can click on Lamp and you can see it!) It was the ONLY black one left!!! I'm so happy I had to stop there today or else I wouldn't have gotten it!!! But I did find it. There was no luck on find a rug so far, I've looked a lot of places, Home Depot online seems to have the most that I like, So when I talked to my mom we decided we'd go to Home depot Saturday to look! I can't wait!!!
Once I got home, I put away a few things, made some pretty good progress, but then I was pretty tuckered out so I sat down on the couch to start something relaxing. I had found this awesome craft
http://www.marthastewart.com/article/magazine-christmas-trees
So I tried to do it. Thank god for Martha's video or I would have been lost. So here is my product
 While it doesn't look like much, it's harder then you'd think. I think you should use a thicker magazine then just a US weekly…

Or else you'll end up with this in the back, like I did…

 
So I plan on making at least 3 more. I'm going to spray paint them gold, then get spray adhesive and just sprinkle gold glitter on the top. I can't wait to finish them!!! I just need to find a bigger magazine to vary the sizes of the trees…

Their final resting places will be right there where those 3 glass canisters are, I think I'll empty the canisters buy new coffee beans and just do the same thing but throw gold bulbs in there too so then I'll have the trees and those. You'll get to see the final look. I can't wait!!!
Also if you'll notice in the mantle there is that small molding area I'd like to add some kind of accent there. I'm not sure what... But that'll come soon too!
The next item up for business is a trip to Hobby Lobby to get stuff to finish making my Christmas Cards, and also to make stockings for my mantle. I can't wait!
I also booked a lunch for Friday, pending confirmation, and Saturday with a friend. I was on the phone with a friend tonight and facebook with another one. I really have enjoyed my night even if it was just at home, it was relaxing and I didn't have to be on my feet. Plus I can be in my pajamas and not worry about anyone judging me! Alright that's all the progress for today.

Resolutions Come Early!

I understand that for the most part that resolutions come at the end of the year....... But I'm changing that for me. I've been unhappy with my life for a while now; I guess I shouldn't say unhappy as much as I am unsatisfied. I've become stagnant. I deserve better! My best friend also recently pointed out to me how she has to constantly reach out to me to see how I'm doing. I think about her daily and wonder how life is away from Manhattan, and yet I wait for her to text me. That's just wrong, when did I become this person? She is not the only person I've shut out; there are many friends both near and far that I just don't ask if they want to do something/anything for some reason I've become that person who waits till someone calls me, instead of asking what everyone else is up to.
I've found an amazing man, he recently left to fight for our country (one of the many reasons I find him so attractive, his service to others). Oh man I have to sneeze SO BAD!!! It wasn't until he left that I realized how isolated I've become as a human being. (How he even reached out to me, points out how secluded I've become.) I go to work, class, and then back home and on the couch to mess on my computer/watch TV till I go to bed. Then I start it all over again. It wasn't until B and I started dating that I even left the house after work. I'm done with that!
I'm a stubborn person who doesn't like to lean on other people or have other people worry about her, so I feel like I haven't let people know how stagnant I feel when I'm alone. When I'm with people, or at work I feel like I'm a completely different person, once I turn my key in the door and I'm alone…I've become lazy, someone I'm not with other people and someone I have never been. Instead I should be calling the people who care about me most and check in with them. So I'm making a change, I miss my best friends, I miss friends, I miss my family, and I've done it to myself, I've just "eh, I'll talk to them later" when the truth is I wasn't working on anything else. So I'm making a change!

 
I've got some resolutions and solutions I got to make, before I drive myself INSANE!!! So not only am I going to make resolutions, I'm adding ways I'm going to accomplish this... and I hope to hold myself accountable through this blog... my journal.

2 months ago I lost over 20lbs, this last month I lost 5lbs (I've been sick so my diet is quite a skew this past month) Resolution 1. Continue making healthy life choices to continue to lose weight.
How to accomplish this: Eat more fruits; this hopefully can help my belly with being sick too!
            Walk more; get up to ask a question instead of waiting for my boss to come out to me.
            Maintain focus, and keep junk food out of the house! J
Resolution 1.5 I thought of this when I was at the end…. But I feel like it goes with the above so I went back up… Ok I want to cook more dinners.
I'm sick of warming stuff up in the microwave. When I lived in the studio apartment I frequently cooked a nice dinner for myself… Where did my time go?!
Resolution 2. Clean out the 3 Rubbermaid containers I still haven't cleaned out since I moved.
How to accomplish this: I will not sit on the couch ideally at the end of the day… If I truly haven't thought about whatever is in the box… it's getting thrown. Otherwise it'll be put away in its proper place.
Resolution 3. Maintain a weekly Cleaning Schedule.
How to accomplish this: This Friday/Saturday I hope to will do a deep cleaning of my apartment, then write out a daily activities chart to make sure that every day I do little things to keep my apartment cleaner, therefore keeping me saner.
Resolution 4. Buy a lamp and nice rug.
How to accomplish this: Ok come on I'm still an Interior Designer, I have a need to constantly make my space look like a magazine… do I accomplish that? No, But I want to have a nice rug and lamp to make my living room feel not so gross and dirty. And I want it…. So I win! J
Resolution 5. Actually go through my pictures/scrapbook stuff
Resolution 6. Spend more time on crafts.
How to accomplish this: This will entail a trip to hobby lobby, but this too will help me devote time to me, and continue to clean my apartment. I also am a crafty person and feel like its being suppressed through work. I'm in Grad School right now; I would like to devote a little more time to me and to school instead of just work. Isn't that what the rest of my life is for? Why am I working over 40 hours a week, and am unhappy at the end of it?
Resolution 7. Make 4 phone calls a week to family/friends.
How to accomplish this: There is no reason I can't call my grandma/brothers/friends while I'm cleaning out the toilet, putting away dishes, wiping down the counter. I need to just do it. I hate talking on the phone, I never know what to say and feel like I don't' do much but hopefully with all my other things on my to-do list this will change!

Ok so looking at this it may seem like a lot but its all stuff I accomplish before, and for some reason I've become lazy, and depressed. I am no longer letting myself waller in this filth! I'm making a change!

An Update

Spring Break has come and gone, all too fast I may add, but it was a great week! The week before spring break brought on a little stress. I have a few sick family members that are on my mind, but I'm leaving that to god and trying to focus on the positive. With that in mind I left Friday to go to Denver to see Chris, We got my ski's and just hung out Friday night, and Saturday we went skiing, It was a blast, and just what I needed! Now, truth be told I'm a moderate skier (in my eyes) but then whew My brother was skiing backwards in front of me the whole way down the family fun zone so I guess maybe he is better than me. Later that night we got to go see Avatar it was really good!! I really just enjoyed the whole weekend and just spending time with my brother!! On Monday I got to have some Laura time and just played Xbox for a few hours, it was amazing and it really made me miss playing video games! L But I suppose I should focus on school before video games.

I worked wed-Friday and then Saturday well Saturday Spring had sprung!!! And well although spring isn't necessarily in the air, it will get there!!! J We had a freak snow storm on Friday/ Saturday setting all of the Midwest in frenzy, but not my mom and I! We still went shopping in KC, not the smartest choice but being home with my mom this weekend was the greatest time!!! I enjoyed every minute of it. My friend also went with us to KC so that was great!!!

And now it's back to reality. K-State has made it to the Sweet Sixteen, which means, we had a pep rally that I worked tonight. But what an exciting time for KSU athletics! Go State! But it's back to reality.

When did I grow up, and why am I fighting it?

I don't know what my deal is but lately I've been realizing how old I am. I know I'm not that old but I'm the oldest I've ever been! Ahahahaha A kid that I babysat turned 14 today!!! That's just insane to me! I've lived on my own for close to 5 years now!!! My 5 year class reunion would be this summer!

I'm a full time student, and I work quite a few hours at my job, I love my job, don't get me wrong. There are days (more often than not) that I go from class to work to homework, no break not goofing off. When I do goof off, I can't truly enjoy myself because I know how much homework I really do have, and things that I really should be doing. I do like to keep busy and I don't regret my job or the hours I work or the classes I take (except music 250 it may be the death of me!!! ) It's only at times when I'm working on my homework, and someone asks if I want to go out, wants to know what I'm doing Saturday. I'll be working all day, and I don't regret it I don't want to drink myself into a stupor, but why aren't they working. How can they afford to gallivant around and go where they please? I guess I'm jealous? But I don't think I am I would never want to do those things, does that make me old?

Once upon a time going to bed at midnight was going to bed early now 11pm hits and my eyes get heavy, and I try to wrap up whatever I'm working on, because I know I gotta go again by 7 so I can hit the next day! Once upon a time I would have loved to go to multiple concerts and just run around, but now I just think that'll be an expensive night! I would much rather go to a friend's house and play with their kids (and hangout with them) then to drink. I don't want to become cynical or a fun hater but maybe my lifestyle is changing. I know some of my friends who are right there with me in these feelings they may have experienced them before me but others aren't and I just feel like I'm stuck in the middle. I'm fighting the inevitable maturity. I guess I'm just wondering Am I ready for it?

"What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a-goin' on here?"

What a day! A long, long, crazy day! The number one team in the nation KU lost to unranked OK State (I'm not even going to laugh at that it could happen to anybody!!! I just hope we hold it together this week!!! GO STATE!!!) The number two team in the Nation University of Kentucky, lost to the number seventeen team Tennessee!

K-State though was able to pull out a win in the end again Missouri, who we had lost to earlier in the season! Oh, by the way K-State is ranked Number SIX!!!! At any rate I guess it was just a big day for college basketball, I can’t wait for Monday to see the new postings!!!! Hopefully KSU Shoots up!

Now even beyond that, sometimes when I’m at work I think to myself how crazy it is that I work for Kansas State University Athletics, and we are in the PRIME of our lives! Ha! So cool!

Alright that is all for today, I know it’s been a while since a post, but this is all the energy I got for now.

Night!

False Alarm!

I had a rough night Wednesday night! I may have broke down, this decision making stuff may drive me nuts! So Thursday morning my mom sent me an e-mail that states-
Don''t forget to call tonight.


I hope the ad below makes you smile!

I bet you will have no problems deciding which bag you would want! :)

PD
the pic bellow was in the e-mail and it went on to say how if you spend X amount of dollars you get free overnight shipping!!! :)
 

 
So I teared up! My mom knew how stressed and upset i've been and decided to spoil me with a purse for Vanentines day?!?! I was so happy!
I quickly picked out a boxy lace purse

And a wallent i've been wanting I'd of course pay for!

Later when I called my Mom to discuss the issue of me paying for the wallet, She informed me that she was just showign me their promo, and that she just wanted to prove i could make a decision. (notice I still chose two things I can't pick just one!! :) )

Again the tear ducts swelled up, Don't tease a girl about her and her purse!!!  :(

Pessimism

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11


While I understand this verse, I want to ask god where he placed my road map, because I can’t find it.

I used to think that I could accomplish anything that I wanted to and I miss that thought. I’m not sure if it’s experience or just pessimism that is working against me and my dreams but I’ve got a huge case of it. My dream would be to either work for a firm that did nothing but post occupancy evaluations, or facility management but these seem like jobs that would be the bees knees to me. I’ve even really thought about a firm that designs zoos. I just think those would be amazing jobs. Where do I find these jobs?!

I’ve thought about grad school, but it’d be for college student development and that’d only help me if I stayed in the collegiant facility ring, and I’m not sure I want to limit myself to that. I love my job that I do now but I think I like designing and seeing new things everyone and a while. Now I ask where is the machine that tells me what I’d be most happy at and make a little money too! I’d love to own a flat screen soon! (even though every time I turn on my TV I think about how thankful I am for my friends who gave me the TV that has lasted me 3 years now!!! Trust me I’d still use it I dream of a life with TV’s in multiple rooms!  )

Once I write this all out it seems clear to me that while grad school would be more education and another notch on my belt it may not be the right thing for me now. Maybe I should just get a job and see where that leads me, but I love my job here and my friends that will still be here and my parents! If I leave that job won’t open back up because I come back, but is it time for me to leave the nest? Is this all just cold feet? When I left for college sure there were some nerves, but I knew where I was going, it wasn’t really a choice and my brothers were a couple blocks away. But I’ve grown up; I’ve lived without my brothers around for almost 3 years now. (I’ve had other sit ins but I manage)

How does one know when it is there time to move on? How do I know that I’ll succeed?

Well that’s all, I’m not expecting answers, I just needed an outlet. This blog has been great for that!!! Otherwise I just got to remember to relax and pray.

also incase you didn't catch the title of my blogs, the next title will be Irony! hahaha

Optimistic

Optimistic- disposed to take a favorable view of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.
Ok so we've talked before about life changing and things becoming different. I feel as though maybe I've become a little negative towards life. I have NO CLUE where my life is taking me, and I may complain about it at times. Ok, lately I complain about it a lot, hahaha. I've decided to be more optimistic. I know I have to relax and just let god take control, and that's hard for me. I know ultimately he is the one who decides. It's not up to me to please everyone when I can't even make myself pleased. So I'm going to sit back and just relax and try my hardest and dream big and just go for it all! I know no matter what I've got great friends, and family who will support me no matter what happens!
Ok so on to another topic....
Valentine’s Day is only 10 days away.... for those of you who don't know Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays!! Any occasion when I can wear pink and red, just makes me so happy! I've never had a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day and well lately it's looking like another year without a boyfriend but I'm really not to upset about it. I mean sure I’d like to date a certain someone right now but the more I think about Valentine’s day and well life I realize that ok so for 22 years I've been single on valentine’s day but eventually that won't be the case, and I won't need a holiday to feel extra loved, it should happen more than one day a year! :) With all this in mind it doesn't mean I still don't REALLY LOVE Valentine’s Day!!! I don't think I really relate it back to a day for couples as much as I think of it as a day for love! I LOVE Valentine’s Day! What a great day set aside to really tell someone you love them, like them or can stand the sight of them!!! hahahaha


Speaking of love, I finally get a weekend off this weekend! I'm going home!!! Play some wii with the parents; celebrate a late Christmas with my mom’s family! It's bound to be a great weekend!!!

So I guess that's just about where my head is at right now, even though it's everywhere!!! :)

PS Did I tell you that I kind of think that blogging might actually be helping with my writing skills? I've found it so much easier to organize my thoughts for papers lately. It's kind of fun!

A true friend.

So I thought of this quote today,

A true friend rejoices in your successes and offers encouragement when you're down. :)

and relized how fitting it is for this time. I'm not self loating or trying to get someone to read a hidden message, but how fitting this quote is for this semester.
Issues have come and gone and a lot changes when people mature or progress with life, wither that be good, bad or indifferent. But I am finding it imporatant to remember that a true friend rejoices in your success (doesn't show jelousy or condisending thoughts) and offers encouragement when you'e down.
I read an article in O magizine last week about a lady who had recieve a journal from her life long friend and in that journal there were notes and letters between the two and the lady who recieved the gift relized that the woman that was pertrayed in those letters wasn't the woman she felt like she had been. Her notes were full of sorrow that she felt for herself, and few questions about how her friend was doing.  I realize now that I don't want to look back and see that same image. I want to know that for every time i've had a pitty party that I have RSVP'd to my friend in needs pitty party. Obviosly I'd RSVP to a party of a friend.
so with all those thoughts I leave with a true friend REJOICES in your successes and offers encouragement when you're down.

I'm really trying to get better at this!

So I know I'm not the greatest at this but I'm trying, tonights post won't be anything special because my keyboard on my computer is DRIVING ME NUTS!!! It doesn't detect all the keys I hit there for most of the time what I am trying to type ends up missing a bunch of letters! That's just annoying!! But I started my last semester at K-State!!!! :) (Grades pending)
The main purpose of tonights blog is to state... Wait for it... Wait for it.... I Love My Mom!!!

My first day of classes kind of had me down, stress of life after college and even just trying to finish. All it took was a call to my mom at 10 to ask her to look at something and then I said something funny (I guess) and next thing I know I'm laughin so hard I'm crying and I can't understand my mom cause she's laughing so hard!! This isn't rare for my mother and I to get the giggles, we've almost had to pull over from laughing so hard. This is just one of the many reasons I love my mom, she fixed my day!
Disclaimer: I also adore my Dad, he made me the most independent girl I know!!! (aside from Regan, I still have so much to learn) Just tell me how many Dad's get their girls craftsman drills and tool for Chritmas'. He is amazing. I guess I'll step off my soapbox now!! Night!

PS this posting took over 40 min to type up. Thanks Toshiba keyboard.

Ok so this is late but this was my Christmas

So this is my parents house during an earlier snow storm but just take a look at this one and think of it blowing and dark! and that was Christmas eve!!! but it was great!

This was my mom's Christmas tree, It was GORGEOUS Tree!!!

This has to be my favorite part of Christmas. It's my parents fireplace. I love our stockings!!! they make me smile everytime i look at them. They are all a little differnt. I LOVE my Stocking!!

 

This is my family, it was a later christmas picture but so fun!

My Brother Chris

My brother Joe, His Christmas was brought to him by Lonesome dove.








And lastly I know I tell everyone my family rocks but this is just proof! I got a Wii for Christmas and I'm just proving that we rock!