Insert Cliché of Thankful Here!

Earlier this week I was battling myself, in a post that I actually never posted, I'm glad I didn't post it. For the most part I was just whining about change and about being "left" behind. And while I may not be the quickest learner I do learn and progress.

I now realize that even with change, it'll be ok. It'll be ok because I have an amazing family and friends. I understand that it may sound like a cliché but after this week, I know it's not for me.

First let me start off with my Mom. My mom made the most amazing meals in the last 2 days, even when she didn't have to she went ahead and planned a thanksgiving dinner, in which she probably never would have had to if I didn't want it so badly. I didn't even have to twist her arm to do it, but she prepared the MOST AMAZING Thanksgiving dinner after already making a pork tenderloin dinner the night before with extra desserts. It's the subtle things that my mom does that really blow my mind. On Wednesday night she knew I didn't like the other vegetables at dinner, so she let me cook green beans… We had plenty of other amazing delicious dishes. On Thursday morning there was delicious Eric Estrada Casserole (unfortunately I became sick immediately following my favorite breakfast) but as soon as I became queasy my mom was there helping me out, and yet somehow managed to make yet another amazing meal for everyone, and also made me rice crispy treats to try to make me feel better. I mean we had a myriad of other desserts but she went ahead and made rice crispy treats because she knew they were my favorite! She hosted a BEAUTIFUL thanksgiving for friends that we had invited out! It really was an amazing thanksgiving… while earlier this week I was being negative I realized now that while things are changing, these are also good things too, because I have family and friends still all around me.

Once everyone had left and I had developed a fever my mom after WORKING HER TAIL OFF ALL DAY, rubbed my back, and focused on me. She listened to be blubber like an idiot because I didn't feel good and was feeling down. Then again this morning she got up to go to work, and made sure my fever had broke, had me call the dr and after a discussion took me to the emergency room… yes we spent the day after thanksgiving in the Emergency room, a trip that literally took 6 hours, with little results. My mom never once made me feel bad for wasting her day. She is amazing for sticking through it with me!

My dad, who does everything for my mom and for me. Every time I asked for something yesterday he got it, took care of it, and never once complained or told me I could get it myself. Once my mom and I got home we then realized that he had done ALL of the laundry too! And that wasn't a small task! My dad makes me laugh, laughs at my jokes and reminds me to stay spiritual. It never ceases to amaze me how strong my dad is, and what a great example he is. When I was younger, ok two years ago, if I was upset about something my dad would simply ask "Did you pray about it?" It'd set me off and make me so mad. Now it's a refreshing reminder that all I need to do is pray. My dad is constantly putting others before him, and takes care of everyone. I'm in constant admiration of my dad.

So today I'm extremely thankful for my parents! I know I have an amazing set of family and friends too, but today I want to focus on my parents! Mom and Dad if you read this... I love you and Thank you!

Spoiled!

It's days like this that I realize how spoiled I am. While I don't feel good, and have 100 things on my plate, I was able to talk to B everyday for the last 3 days, at least for 10 min each day, just a few lines at the least....and then today nothing. We knew there'd be days like this, and I'm really remaining strong it's just funny to think how spoiled I have been and how when I am able to talk with him, I shouldn't take it for granted. Actually as I type this I realize that I did talk to him today...I just feel like it's been forever.
So I'm spoiled, those who truly know me have known that fact for a while... but I'm also thankful, and am extremely spoiled because I have someone who lights up my day or even my week!! :)

Rug Purchase Accomplished!

I bought a rug today!!!! It won't be here for a week, but I can't wait!!!
I got the lamp all put togather, and only have like 1 box to finish going through... Life is great!!
here is the rug.
http://www.homedepot.com/h_d1/N-5yc1vZ1xk3/R-100628312/h_d2/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&storeId=10051&catalogId=10053
I'm lossing a little motivation... but I'm trying! :)

A Long Day!

So I know this is my second posting for the day but I just gotta do it, it's become therapeutic to me. Today's progress… not much. I went to work and class. But then I got some more craft supplies that I was needing.. I'm not going to lie hobby lobby overwhelms me. Prices also overwhelm me so…. The most beautiful craft I was going to make… well I'll have to wait till I'm rich to make but that's ok. I made another magazine tree. This one was out of a reader's digest so its smaller… it's also a lot thinker which was cool! I got a creaser from Hobby Lobby, I don't know if it would have turned out as nicely if I hadn't gotten that tool! I'm glad I stumbled upon it!

Tomorrow I need to organize my crafts, and clean a little bit more. I vacuumed tonight in preparation for the new rug well and a special guest I have tomorrow… I can't wait!

Today has been long. Its been a few days since I've talked to B, and well I miss him. I'm hoping time and more understanding will make this feeling subside. I tried to remain busy but no matter what I do, He's on my mind. I know that this will make us stronger, but its still hard, different and something I just wasn't quite ready for. So I'll just say an extra prayer tonight and hope he's thinking about me too. J

Must Remain Strong!

So my positivity is out the window as of 9 this morning. I don't feel good! I'm sick of not feeling good!! I want to feel normal again! If I'm suppose to eat something with my medicine so that my medicine can make me feel better, I don't think it's fair that I only feel more sick and more nauseous!!! Plus it leaves a NASTY taste in my mouth!!! I just don't think it's fair!!! Plus I have to wait till the 29th before I get CONSULTATION to figure out whats wrong... I mean they might not even have any thing for me at that point. I could go in answer a bunch of questions and still be left with the biggest question unanswered... What's wrong with me? I hate this feeling! I hate not knowing, I hate knowing that tomorrow I won't feel better. I used to think maybe it just needed to kick in but after 3 weeks... I've lost hope! I'm nauseous, my stomach feels sour, I have odd indigestion, and a stabbing pain every once in a while (it varies in location sometimes it's in my front sometimes the side, sometimes the back, one thing remains constant it's around my intestines!). I feel like it's not normal to sit at a desk and every once in a while have to move or try to catch my breath because a stabbing pain is shooting through my intestine! I feel like trips to the bathroom shouldn't take 20 min and not have much of an outcome! (maybe a little TMI but this is my journal and this is my rant!)
Ok I do feel better now though, so I'll go back to sitting at my desk working on the computer, trying not to cry.
Not to mention my physical pain, my emotional pain is that I feel like I'm failing as an employee, and a student. But I don't feel good!! So I don't want to do anything but lay around and not move, I want to be in sweatpants, in the comforts of my own home.  I'm trying to remain strong, I hate people worrying about me or being weak. So I'm back to being strong.

Day One, Starts with Snow! :)

So it began today, the change. Ha! Ok so it was a late start after not feeling well through most of the night but the day started none the less. I got up got ready and headed to work. Worked, there was a game today but I was still incredibly nauseous and had the weirdest indigestion so my boss thankfully let me go home once I got everyone settled and ready for the game. I'm extremely thankful for my number 2 man, without him my boss wouldn't be as flexible… Thank God J is there!!
So while physically I feel like I'm going downhill, emotionally I'm feeling better! Since my boss let me go home earlier I swung by Target on my way home so I could get some Zantac and Benadryl to ease some of my nausea and indigestion. (btw, if you want Benadryl from Target you have to get the off brand kind because the real stuff received a recall and it's on the bottom shelf under the Zyrtec, it only took me 20 min to figure that out!) but I had already known I wanted a Lamp from there so I ran down the aisle too to get that while I was there. (you can click on Lamp and you can see it!) It was the ONLY black one left!!! I'm so happy I had to stop there today or else I wouldn't have gotten it!!! But I did find it. There was no luck on find a rug so far, I've looked a lot of places, Home Depot online seems to have the most that I like, So when I talked to my mom we decided we'd go to Home depot Saturday to look! I can't wait!!!
Once I got home, I put away a few things, made some pretty good progress, but then I was pretty tuckered out so I sat down on the couch to start something relaxing. I had found this awesome craft
http://www.marthastewart.com/article/magazine-christmas-trees
So I tried to do it. Thank god for Martha's video or I would have been lost. So here is my product
 While it doesn't look like much, it's harder then you'd think. I think you should use a thicker magazine then just a US weekly…

Or else you'll end up with this in the back, like I did…

 
So I plan on making at least 3 more. I'm going to spray paint them gold, then get spray adhesive and just sprinkle gold glitter on the top. I can't wait to finish them!!! I just need to find a bigger magazine to vary the sizes of the trees…

Their final resting places will be right there where those 3 glass canisters are, I think I'll empty the canisters buy new coffee beans and just do the same thing but throw gold bulbs in there too so then I'll have the trees and those. You'll get to see the final look. I can't wait!!!
Also if you'll notice in the mantle there is that small molding area I'd like to add some kind of accent there. I'm not sure what... But that'll come soon too!
The next item up for business is a trip to Hobby Lobby to get stuff to finish making my Christmas Cards, and also to make stockings for my mantle. I can't wait!
I also booked a lunch for Friday, pending confirmation, and Saturday with a friend. I was on the phone with a friend tonight and facebook with another one. I really have enjoyed my night even if it was just at home, it was relaxing and I didn't have to be on my feet. Plus I can be in my pajamas and not worry about anyone judging me! Alright that's all the progress for today.

Resolutions Come Early!

I understand that for the most part that resolutions come at the end of the year....... But I'm changing that for me. I've been unhappy with my life for a while now; I guess I shouldn't say unhappy as much as I am unsatisfied. I've become stagnant. I deserve better! My best friend also recently pointed out to me how she has to constantly reach out to me to see how I'm doing. I think about her daily and wonder how life is away from Manhattan, and yet I wait for her to text me. That's just wrong, when did I become this person? She is not the only person I've shut out; there are many friends both near and far that I just don't ask if they want to do something/anything for some reason I've become that person who waits till someone calls me, instead of asking what everyone else is up to.
I've found an amazing man, he recently left to fight for our country (one of the many reasons I find him so attractive, his service to others). Oh man I have to sneeze SO BAD!!! It wasn't until he left that I realized how isolated I've become as a human being. (How he even reached out to me, points out how secluded I've become.) I go to work, class, and then back home and on the couch to mess on my computer/watch TV till I go to bed. Then I start it all over again. It wasn't until B and I started dating that I even left the house after work. I'm done with that!
I'm a stubborn person who doesn't like to lean on other people or have other people worry about her, so I feel like I haven't let people know how stagnant I feel when I'm alone. When I'm with people, or at work I feel like I'm a completely different person, once I turn my key in the door and I'm alone…I've become lazy, someone I'm not with other people and someone I have never been. Instead I should be calling the people who care about me most and check in with them. So I'm making a change, I miss my best friends, I miss friends, I miss my family, and I've done it to myself, I've just "eh, I'll talk to them later" when the truth is I wasn't working on anything else. So I'm making a change!

 
I've got some resolutions and solutions I got to make, before I drive myself INSANE!!! So not only am I going to make resolutions, I'm adding ways I'm going to accomplish this... and I hope to hold myself accountable through this blog... my journal.

2 months ago I lost over 20lbs, this last month I lost 5lbs (I've been sick so my diet is quite a skew this past month) Resolution 1. Continue making healthy life choices to continue to lose weight.
How to accomplish this: Eat more fruits; this hopefully can help my belly with being sick too!
            Walk more; get up to ask a question instead of waiting for my boss to come out to me.
            Maintain focus, and keep junk food out of the house! J
Resolution 1.5 I thought of this when I was at the end…. But I feel like it goes with the above so I went back up… Ok I want to cook more dinners.
I'm sick of warming stuff up in the microwave. When I lived in the studio apartment I frequently cooked a nice dinner for myself… Where did my time go?!
Resolution 2. Clean out the 3 Rubbermaid containers I still haven't cleaned out since I moved.
How to accomplish this: I will not sit on the couch ideally at the end of the day… If I truly haven't thought about whatever is in the box… it's getting thrown. Otherwise it'll be put away in its proper place.
Resolution 3. Maintain a weekly Cleaning Schedule.
How to accomplish this: This Friday/Saturday I hope to will do a deep cleaning of my apartment, then write out a daily activities chart to make sure that every day I do little things to keep my apartment cleaner, therefore keeping me saner.
Resolution 4. Buy a lamp and nice rug.
How to accomplish this: Ok come on I'm still an Interior Designer, I have a need to constantly make my space look like a magazine… do I accomplish that? No, But I want to have a nice rug and lamp to make my living room feel not so gross and dirty. And I want it…. So I win! J
Resolution 5. Actually go through my pictures/scrapbook stuff
Resolution 6. Spend more time on crafts.
How to accomplish this: This will entail a trip to hobby lobby, but this too will help me devote time to me, and continue to clean my apartment. I also am a crafty person and feel like its being suppressed through work. I'm in Grad School right now; I would like to devote a little more time to me and to school instead of just work. Isn't that what the rest of my life is for? Why am I working over 40 hours a week, and am unhappy at the end of it?
Resolution 7. Make 4 phone calls a week to family/friends.
How to accomplish this: There is no reason I can't call my grandma/brothers/friends while I'm cleaning out the toilet, putting away dishes, wiping down the counter. I need to just do it. I hate talking on the phone, I never know what to say and feel like I don't' do much but hopefully with all my other things on my to-do list this will change!

Ok so looking at this it may seem like a lot but its all stuff I accomplish before, and for some reason I've become lazy, and depressed. I am no longer letting myself waller in this filth! I'm making a change!