Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had my break down this weekend. I'm sick of my body hurting, I'm sick of not feeling good. I want to be everything to everyone and yet I can't do anything for myself. The tears are rolling down my face as I type this cause I don't even know how to do that.
How do turn my life around? I've tried the resolutions and that didn't work cause I didn't feel good. I have the answer to my problems or at least a solution as slow as it seems. and I know it's only been 4 days of antibiotics (but I still don't feel good) I'm hopeful that I'll get there and yet scared. I think I've become grumpy and pessimistic to life. and I just don't know how to turn that around.

Pretty Productive Day!

Please forgive the mumble jumble of pictures.... I just can't get them to line up nicely and I'm too tired to deal with it! :)

I was able to take the day off today!!! It was much needed after working all weekend. So I started the day off with, sleeping in!! It was amazing, while I kind of wanted to get up earlier to accomplish something, I went on sleeping! Then I was able to talk to Brian, which always makes my day! I ate a little lunch, and then watched the E true Hollywood story of Saved by the Bell, and I may have napped a little more! I then finally awoke from my lazy day and decided to pick up all the clothes in my room… IT NEEDED IT!! I wanted to move some of my furniture around but that'll have to wait for another day, when I can get someone else to help me move stuff around, cause it's also going to have to take some re organization… but I think ultimately it'll really be a lot nicer for me to accomplish more. Now I just need to find the time and person to get someone to help me out! Ha! I was reminded that tomorrow is a potluck at work, so I had to run to the grocery store to make this DELICIOUS Corn Dip,

I make mine a lot more spicy then my mom makes hers, so I added some festive jalapenos on the top so hopefully people get the hint that it's going to be spicy! I had already wrapped Brians gifts for him. (Which is really funny seeing as how most of the stuff I am sending him he actually bought and I'm just forwarding on to him, I went ahead and wrapped that stuff up too!) But I needed to add tags to them. I love the way it all turned out, I just hope it doesn't get messed up in transit! I also finished the Stocking I made, I had wanted to make a really nice one, but thought this one was cheaper and would be able to keep my occupied in decorating it while serving the purpose… it also won't offend me if he tosses it after the season. I cut everything out on my own and of course added ample glitter. I'm actually really pleased with the way it turned out! So now it's off to bed! Tomorrow night I hope to clean up my living room and put away some of that junk from this last semester! J

Private Matters

While writing my post for my blog, I have tried to use discretion on names, and events. I feel like my dirty laundry doesn't need to be hung everywhere to see, while I do enjoy being able to vent a little publicly... I don't though understand how people can put their emotions on their facebook status when they are completely inappropriate!!! There has been now 4 people on my facebook (2 of which I have already de-friended) That completely diss their spouse on facebook on their status! How disgusting is that? Now I understand people have marital issues and I don't doubt that being married is hard... but I fail to see how it would make one feel better to publicly embarrass each other, especially when your friends are friends with your spouse!
Tonight's occasion bothered me the most I think because I expected better out of this person, the previous two people I could easily have seen this talk but not the one I read tonight it read...
- Seriously thinking I should of never got married. Maybe people were right saying we were too young.
This 1. breaks my heart that she would be in pain but also it makes me ill to think that this should be public knowledge...
I have to say that this post isn't as demeaning as the other posts I've scene but I feel like If I truly had an issue with my other half then I need to take it up with him first... If I can't talk to him about it, I have my family, and friends. I don't mean to sound like I'm on a soap box but when did become ok to demean your spouse over the Internet?
- I understand that there are other issues in lives that make these things dirty, but I just don't want to read about this stuff on facebook.

It's the most wonderful time of the year! :)

Alright, I'm back and smiling... ok I'm back! ha! I'm stressed to the gills, and of course when I'm stressed I tend to dwell on the negative. so this posting is focusing on a few of my favorite things.My moms Christmas tree! I love gold and red! I love being home around Christmas, I love the smells and the presents and the shopping I love Christmas trees!

This is my Christmas tree! :) It used to be in my parents basement every christmas, it's nice and small, kinda perfect for my apartment, it also brings a little bit of home to me.

This is my moms nativity, there is actually a light in the barn. I do love it.

Oh our fireplace! the most amazing place around Christmas, I love our stockings, there were made by my mom! I love how they are all unique and home made.I LOVE OUR STOCKINGS! the painted santas all along the bottom were painted by my Aunt and my mom, I still remember my mom and her painting them in our basement. I think they are extremely cute!

This is a new edition, its a lantern that normally just houses a candle, but my mom had the great idea of just filling it with a thing of potpourri then shut it again, it is REALLY COOL!!!

So those are just a few of my favorite things! 

An indescribable Pain

I'm 23 years old, suppose to be working on a research paper, well wrapping it up. I have another 8 page research paper due next Tuesday, a Final on Thursday, and another take home final due next Tuesday. It's freezing in my apartment, but if I turn the heaters back on I'm hot. I'm tired, my apartment needs cleaned, there is a package I want to send to my boyfriend and yet I haven't yet. I haven't done Christmas shopping yet, and while my work has been great at letting me off to work on things, I still feel like I'm so behind I can't catch up… THROUGH all this…. The only thing on my mind is how much pain I'm in. It's not normal to have your side feel like someone is stabbing you with a knife and taking all down your right side. This pain isn't supposed to continue on and on again. No amount of stretching or fidgeting will heal it. And with all the stuff I have to do all I want to do or end up doing is crying because I'm in pain, and it hurts and I don't want to hurt anymore.

P.S. I'm tired and probably a little emotional, so this may seem like a pity party, please don't worry once I get some sleep I'm sure I'll feel better emotionally.

Insert Cliché of Thankful Here!

Earlier this week I was battling myself, in a post that I actually never posted, I'm glad I didn't post it. For the most part I was just whining about change and about being "left" behind. And while I may not be the quickest learner I do learn and progress.

I now realize that even with change, it'll be ok. It'll be ok because I have an amazing family and friends. I understand that it may sound like a cliché but after this week, I know it's not for me.

First let me start off with my Mom. My mom made the most amazing meals in the last 2 days, even when she didn't have to she went ahead and planned a thanksgiving dinner, in which she probably never would have had to if I didn't want it so badly. I didn't even have to twist her arm to do it, but she prepared the MOST AMAZING Thanksgiving dinner after already making a pork tenderloin dinner the night before with extra desserts. It's the subtle things that my mom does that really blow my mind. On Wednesday night she knew I didn't like the other vegetables at dinner, so she let me cook green beans… We had plenty of other amazing delicious dishes. On Thursday morning there was delicious Eric Estrada Casserole (unfortunately I became sick immediately following my favorite breakfast) but as soon as I became queasy my mom was there helping me out, and yet somehow managed to make yet another amazing meal for everyone, and also made me rice crispy treats to try to make me feel better. I mean we had a myriad of other desserts but she went ahead and made rice crispy treats because she knew they were my favorite! She hosted a BEAUTIFUL thanksgiving for friends that we had invited out! It really was an amazing thanksgiving… while earlier this week I was being negative I realized now that while things are changing, these are also good things too, because I have family and friends still all around me.

Once everyone had left and I had developed a fever my mom after WORKING HER TAIL OFF ALL DAY, rubbed my back, and focused on me. She listened to be blubber like an idiot because I didn't feel good and was feeling down. Then again this morning she got up to go to work, and made sure my fever had broke, had me call the dr and after a discussion took me to the emergency room… yes we spent the day after thanksgiving in the Emergency room, a trip that literally took 6 hours, with little results. My mom never once made me feel bad for wasting her day. She is amazing for sticking through it with me!

My dad, who does everything for my mom and for me. Every time I asked for something yesterday he got it, took care of it, and never once complained or told me I could get it myself. Once my mom and I got home we then realized that he had done ALL of the laundry too! And that wasn't a small task! My dad makes me laugh, laughs at my jokes and reminds me to stay spiritual. It never ceases to amaze me how strong my dad is, and what a great example he is. When I was younger, ok two years ago, if I was upset about something my dad would simply ask "Did you pray about it?" It'd set me off and make me so mad. Now it's a refreshing reminder that all I need to do is pray. My dad is constantly putting others before him, and takes care of everyone. I'm in constant admiration of my dad.

So today I'm extremely thankful for my parents! I know I have an amazing set of family and friends too, but today I want to focus on my parents! Mom and Dad if you read this... I love you and Thank you!

Spoiled!

It's days like this that I realize how spoiled I am. While I don't feel good, and have 100 things on my plate, I was able to talk to B everyday for the last 3 days, at least for 10 min each day, just a few lines at the least....and then today nothing. We knew there'd be days like this, and I'm really remaining strong it's just funny to think how spoiled I have been and how when I am able to talk with him, I shouldn't take it for granted. Actually as I type this I realize that I did talk to him today...I just feel like it's been forever.
So I'm spoiled, those who truly know me have known that fact for a while... but I'm also thankful, and am extremely spoiled because I have someone who lights up my day or even my week!! :)