Life's Good!

Stressed?!

2011-04-02T01:51:00.000-05:00

I feel like my world is careening agian!!! I don't know how to get everything in ballance, the instant I feel like I have everythign togather I feel like a rug gets pulled out from underneith me. Yes, maybe I may be a little dramatic every now and again but that's the way I feel.
I have been sick yet again this week, so that adds to another stress, cause I miss work, and then when you miss work, I know that you lose accounatblity points, and while my boss says take care of yourself, I know it puts them in a bind and then I feel bad about that. But I can't help it, I don't feel good. I had a a book to read this week, and also a paper to write about, on top of the normal weekly assignements due for my online classes. So my week wound down, which for some reason, I feel worse at the end of the week, so I spent a lazy night at home, was going to work on some homework, and wouldn't you know as soon as I pulled out my homework, it sounds like there are drips and water comeing through the ceiling, and wouldn't you know there is water driping into my apartment!!! Go figure my landlord, didn't answer, is anyone surprised? I'm not! Irritated, but not surprised! I asked my neighbors if they had another number for him, knocked on the the guy who lives upstairs but not above me to see if for some odd reason he was feling any effects of water... Nothing, then I heard some movement upstairs, so I RAN (and I do mean RUN because they really keep quite, unless they want someone else to be quite.) and I knocked on their door, and this is how the conversation went... and keep in mind the door was never opened, it remained shut...We'll refer to him as rude man for our purposes.
Laura: (knocks at door)
Rude Man: Who's there?
Laura: My name is Laura I live downstairs...
Rude Man: Do you have water?
Laura: Yes?
Rude Man: We're fixing it...
Laura: (looks confused and shocked that I'm talking at a door and I was just dismissed mean while there is WATER COMING IN MY APT!!)
Laura: Ok, but where is it coming from? Is it actually going to get fixed?
Rude Man: Our Sink, we're fixing it. (said in a harsh tone)
Laura: exits seen to figure out what she needs to move since the water is coming in my apartment!

Now granted there wasn't a foot of water in my apartment, but enough water had seaped through their floor to my ceiling and it driped through... I guess to me this tells me you must have quite a bit of water in order for it to come all the way down! And while yes the water did quit driping down, I'm still frustrated that A, my landlord doesn't answer his phone, B. the rude man upstairs couldn't even open the door or APPOLIGIZE for the water coming into my apartment!
So I've come to the conclusion if I'm not moving up to the main level, I'm out of here, I can't take that kind of financial responsibilies to rely on other people to not let stuff like that happen to my apartment! I know that I would have to deal with taht at every apartment complex, but I NEVER had anything come from the upstairs when I lived in my studio apartment! this is the 2nd time water has come through the ceiling! otherwise it just comes in my windows!
So I spent over an hour trying to figure out what I was going to do to now only have a head ache, oh and still not done my homework cause I got distracted at looking at really expensive apartments and becomeing more frustrated with everything!!
Ok I'm done complaining! I feel better, thanks!
PS please note i do know I'm blessed and that i need to trust in god!

6 Months...

2011-03-29T01:20:00.000-05:00

6 months ago, I started to date a guy... Brian, we had met before that and I was reluctant to date him... his wit, caring, and good looks made him irresistible to me, so I finally gave in and said I'd give it a whirl... I'm soo thankful that god led me to him. It was a whirl wind at first, we had gotten to know each other pretty well before we made it facebook official, I hadn't really mentioned to anyone that I was seeing anyone in particular, (remember at first I tried to talk myself out of it.) so there was a bombarding of questions and who is he.
I don't regret my keeping us quite to start with, without it we wouldn't have been able to really get to know each other and also I don't think we would have entered our relationship so sure of what we were doing. Brian had told me from the start that he would be deploying, that in itself was my hesitation, but like I said, I couldn't not fall in love with him. God had a plan he placed Brian in my life for a reason, he also placed deployment in our relationship for a reason as well.
I'll be the first to admit that I may not be the easiest going girl. Brian and I started dating when I was starting my diverticulitis, there were movie nights where he would come watch a movie with me and I'd spend part of the movie in the bathroom and the other part curled up in a ball on the couch crying cause it all hurt so bad. Brian never made me feel bad about it, he rubbed my back, he listened, and he cared. This still means the world to me.
Brian is my first serious boyfriend, there was a whole myriad of self conscience issues that I had to work through. Brian let's me voice my insecurities, yes, he may laugh at them (and rightfully so) but he still lets me say hey I'm worried about this...Brian is patient and understanding. These weren't things that just came to us though, We had our rough patches, but because of those we have learned how to communicate with each other even when we can't see each others faces.
I am extremely pleased that not only has Brian and my relationship grown, our relationship with God has also grown. We are able to share bible verses with each other to stay strong and also we pray for each other and remind each other that god has control of our lives not us.
So six months ago I established a relationship with Brian, he has become my best friend, and my boyfriend. I am thankful to god for bringing Brian into my life, and also for guiding us at this point in our lives. I never thought that when I gave my heart to a boy he would take it so far away! But yet it is amazing to me how he can be sooo far away and yet make me feel like he's right next to me! Regardless of our geographical locations my heart has never felt so close to another!

Happy Six Months Brian! <3 I love you!

Brrrr

2011-03-16T11:59:00.000-05:00

So we've already established in a previous post that I talk to myself, oh well! I've heard that it's completely normal until you start to answer yourself... where there en lies the problem. I've begun to laugh at myself... and not quietly. This isn't a laughter brought on by watching a funny TV show, or Movie, or funny read even. It's a laughter brought on by me talking to myself.
So as some people may know, I don't turn my heat on very high in my apartment. My mom won't even take off her coat when she comes in. I can live with it and just add layers when I am cold, the only problem is at night or in the morning when I have to get out of that amazing warm bed to go to the bathroom or shower. In the middle of the night I'll jump out of bed to run to the bathroom, then head right back to bed shivering the whole time and I realized when I do this I normally say "Brrrrr" out loud! This is a normal occurrence. In the morning when I'm getting ready I say "Brrr" about 1,000 times.
It wasn't till last week when I watched Bambi for the first time ever that I realized when I say "Brr" I sound like Bambi when he is first trying to learn how to say "Bird". On a side note my review of Bambi is that it's kind of a lame movie, if it wasn't for Thumper I would have turned it off sooner. It's classic Disney though so the music is nice, and Thumper as a little bunny is hilarious to me!

Here's the clip : (I don't own any rights to this, it was on YouTube and obviously it's a Disney Movie.)

The greatest apart about this is that now every time I say "Brrr" I go a head and finish out the scene by going "Brrr, Brrr. Brrrd, Bird!" then I proceed to laugh out loud at how funny this is that i can make this sound!

I wasn't sure if I had a problem till this morning when I had woken up at 4am to go to the bathroom, and jumped back into bed, saying "brrr, Brrr, Brrrd, Bird HAhahahahaha!" :)

READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED

2011-03-07T23:16:00.001-06:00

If you don't really know me, or don't really want to get to know me I'd stop reading this at this point. There's your warning you're about to find out a lot more then one would normally want to know. Some parts are graphic…

Ok as most know for the last 6 months I've been sick. I've been in and out of doctor offices, test have been run, I've been stuck more than a pin cushion. At first I had Diverticulitis and Diverticulotus, which means my diverticuli got infected. I at the age of 23 had my first colonoscopy and it didn't turn out healthy. I have been miserable, there are days I was in so much pain I didn't want to get out of bed, and truth be told, there were days I didn't want to go on. I was in a horrible dark place. I am glad to say I'm pretty much out of it. I say pretty much cause there is still some stuff eating at me but I'm not in half the pain I was in, and I feel like I at least have a plan now. At the end of all my dr appointments it has been declared that I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. At first I thought this was a scape goat prognosis but after reading more I can understand that it may be what I have.
At any rate back to this bad place... Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I would like to call it Irate Bowel Syndrome!
On http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001292/ it says that symptoms:
Abdominal pain, fullness, gas, and bloating that have been present for at least 6 months are the main symptoms of IBS. The pain and other symptoms will often:
•Occur after meals
•Come and go
•Be reduced or go away after a bowel movement
People with IBS may switch between constipation and diarrhea, or mostly have one or the other.
•People with diarrhea will have frequent, loose, watery stools. They will often have an urgent need to have a bowel movement, which is difficult to control.
•Those with constipation will have difficulty passing stool, as well as less frequent bowel movements. They will often need to strain and will feel cramping with a bowel movement. Often, they do not eliminate any stool, or only a small amount.

So here's the deal, I am constantly thinking about my poop. Did I poop today? When was the last time I pooped? What was it like? What did I eat? If I eat that how will that feel? I wonder if benifiber would taste good in this? Did I take my beneifber today? Was my stomach this hard yesterday? OMG my intestine hurts! Where is the closest bathroom? Do you think people notice how long I've been in the bathroom? This is what is constantly going through my head. Bowel, and stool have become my most used words.
I've always been really self conscience about bathroom habits, kind of embarrassed about them, and overall not willing to talk about them. I will talk about my poop to almost anyone now. When my mom asks how I'm feeling I use phrases like "I had acute pain in my lower left quadrant", or " my paint today is at a 8.7"” this morning my stool was loose”
Let me walk you through my day today, I woke up this morning to get ready for work and the first thing I thought of was that I was really full, and there was a strong pain in my right side... After brushing my teeth and thinking I realized I hadn't pooped yesterday, even though I had had my benefiber, I didn't even poop Saturday! did I poop Friday? hmm... this is concerning considering how much pain I am feeling in my right side. I decide I can try to go a little bit, because my stomach is really starting to churn...mean while I'm still trying to jump in the shower and get ready for my day.
I feel pretty good, I'm on time for work, my hair doesn't look the best but you know it'll do for the day! I get a biscuit, a diet coke and I'm off to work! I'm feeling pretty good at this point, my stomach may grumble every now and again, I drank a bunch of water today feeling like i hadn't drank for days, (benifiber will do that I hear) and by 10 o clock I'm off to my first bathroom trip. I can't rush these things, I play a round of freecell on my phone, yes, I admited it, I'm not just going to sit there thinking about how much my colon hurts, I'm going to beat a little free cell! When I'm done in there I always wonder and worry about if my co workers time how long I'm in there.... I'm not rushing it, it hurts enough the way it is but if I can go, I'm going to go... I ate a delicious lunch of Soup and a sandwich, and by 1:30 I'm back in the bathroom, again I'm not going to the bathroom in large amounts mind you, just a little relief at a time... by 3:30 again my stomach is churning I better try again see what's going on. By this point, I realize I've gone quite a few times today, good thing I'm so productive when I'm at my desk or I'm sure at some point my boss would have to get mad at me for the time I spend in the bathroom. Like I said earlier I warned you if you don't want to really get to know me quit reading, my 3:30 bowel movement was less then comforting, in fact it hurt, keeping in mind I've gone to the bathroom at least 4 times at this point it gets old.
My pain while up and moving were quite minimal today, it's the emotional that really gets to me. Irritable bowel can flare up with stress, so explain to me how you're not to stress when you are constantly having to go to the bathroom and think about all this.
4:50 today my stomach churned so hard I thought I was going to be sick at my desk! 5 finally came and I knew I better hit the bathroom before I try to drive home, again feeling like I'm going to throw up all over I made my way in there, and ended having NO PROBLEM going to the bathroom, it was gross. How is it that just 8 hours before that I couldn't produce anything and now I can barely make it stop?! Yuck!

It's at this point where I always wonder and begin to be concerned and sad. I'm so self conscious of even coming out of the stall, how is someone going to love me when I have more communication with my bowel habits then I do with humans. I can see it now (it's actually the lack of seeing it that makes me so sad) "hunny, are you ready to go?" and I reply in a panic, "No, I gotta go to the bathroom gain" or in the car "Babe you've got to stop at the next town I don't feel good". I don't like being around me when I always don't feel good how can I expect someone else to. I can't stand the person I've become, When someone asks hey hows it going? aren't you suppose to be able to say "good" and mean it? I feel like all I'm waiting for is my next trip to the bathroom. The random pains in my bowels, makes my days long. If I’m this unhappy with myself , how can I ask someone to be happy with me?

My diet has done a complete 180, I used to eat all the time, Most of the time now I'm so nauseous I don't even want to eat. I don't eat much pizza cause it upsets my stomach, and I really can't eat fast food cause anything that high in fat, is not good going through the system. I used to do nothing but drink Diet Coke, I now CRAVE Water, Yes, I still love my Diet Coke don't get me wrong!
While I know this improved diet will help the condition, it still is a process.

And I am thankful for god providing me with a lot of relief of the pain. I also have an AMAZING set of parents who took me to every Dr. Appointments, and a Mom who asks every day how it's feeling. A friend who always listens to my pains, and never acts tired of it. A boyfriend who when I tell him I don't feel good, he says he wishes I did, and that he's praying for me, and has yet to make me feel self conscience about my bathroom habits. Because of God and these people I am able to come out of this dark place to remember what life is all about, to remind me that life is good!
So while I understand I'm incredibly blessed, I guess I just wanted to state that I am still dealing, and trying to figure out this new part of my life. Some days are better then others, but having to deal with all this on top of work and school, and life... well somedays it just seems like too much, somedays I just want to cry, curl up in a ball and cry. I know I can't, I have too much to do, and too many people relying on me. but this is where I'm at now... This is me.

Matthew 6:24-34

2011-03-04T22:16:00.000-06:00

On a semi whim last weekend I decided to go to church with my dad on Sunday (Reminder I had worked all day the day before and then had to get up early to get to church on time in Topeka!) Most know that I don't even do that on a weekend when I'm home. I have nothing against church, I just like sleep! There really is nothing more to it. God knew what I needed, not I, and the church service was the best thing that has happened to me in a while! I've waited a week to blog about it, out of pure amazement of how much it meant to me. The holy gospel of the day was :

²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Mathew 6:24-34

Never has a passage spoke to me so much, the whole service brought me to tears. Where has my faith gone? Why do I worry about such earthly things when God provides me so much?
"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" No, I can't, So why do i let all this anxiety get to me? I know this seems like one of those back from church camp kind of posts... but i needed one of those more than anything!

Lazy Susan

2011-02-24T16:31:00.001-06:00

I hate lazy susans!!! I think they are a waste of space and they annoy me!!!! When I moved into my apt and saw there was a lazy susan I thought "ok maybe I should give her a shot, try to appreciate it." No, im done with it!!! I hate it!!! Since I have moved in I have discovered a. That it can only spin in one direction which is just dumb cause then I have to spin the whole way around when I could have just peeked open the cabinet and b. I was right to hate them all along!!
Today I put away a skillet on the lazy susan and it fell, so I had to get on my hands and knees to grab it only to knock off another pan which I couldn't reach so I went to spin it to push it towards me ... ok well some how something got stuck and now I can't move my lazy susan! I don't feel like dealing with it right now.. I just wanted to complain.

Stella

2011-02-24T01:43:00.000-06:00

Today I was home sick, AGAIN! so needless to say I slept in, well until Stella decided she wanted to get up, she lets me know by politely nudging my bed. A 95lb dog can move a bed that's on rollers let me tell you that!

So while I don't feel good and may not have the most energy in the world she still needed some outside time. If you've ever heard me talk about my dogs bathroom habits you'd know that she likes a little privacy, and she tends to go along the same path, every time. Well today we were outside, I was trying to pretend to mind my own business while she was finding the "perfect" spot, and I began to commentate her ~~or what I would assume is her~~ thought process. Well I found myself pretty funny, I couldn't stop giggling which only distracted her which would start her process all over again!

It wasn't until I turned around to head back in that I realized the people in the apartment behind mine had been watching the whole thing. So I ask myself, Do people think I'm crazy? Should I only talk to my dog when we are in the comforts of our own home? Should I be talking to a dog?

I don't know the answer to these questions but I think I'll keep up my end of the dialog, and only become worried if I think Stella is talking back!

On another note, if you'll see in the picture next to her is her new favorite toy!!! It's also my new favorite toy!!! It's a Kong, well it's the Extreme Kong (she's kinda rough with her chew toys!!) I can insert a dog bisquit in it and stella has to work to get it out of it! When she first got it I was concerned that she wouldn't be able to get the whole treat out, and she wasn't that interested. I was upset by this cause it's not the cheapest toy in the world. At first once she had given up on gettng the treat the rest of the way out, I would go and step on the toy to crush the rest of the bisquit so she could get it out, this afternoon I went to crush it, Stella had already beaten me to it! She has figure it out!! Not only has she figured this out she loves pushing it around the house and chewing on it. The Kong still looks like it was just pulled out of its package, no teeth marks!!!! I'm sooo pleased with the money I spent on it!! Ok enough product placement!

Internet: My drug of choice!

2011-02-23T23:56:00.000-06:00

Oh the Internet! According to Wikapedia (my valid resource)
"The Internet is a global system of interconnected computer networks that use the standard Internet Protocol Suite (TCP/IP) to serve billions of users worldwide. It is a network of networks that consists of millions of private, public, academic, business, and government networks, of local to global scope, that are linked by a broad array of electronic, wireless and optical networking technologies. The Internet carries a vast range of information resources and services, such as the inter-linked hypertext documents of the World Wide Web (WWW) and the infrastructure to support electronic mail." - accessed 2/23/11

To me... it's my scape goat! I spend probably 3/4 of my day on the Internet, either on my phone or on a computer. I always have my e-mail up, I can access my facebook with the swift tap of a finger.
I have a list of about 10 websites that I check daily to catch up on the news/ entertainment. I even use the Internet as my sounding board, with this blog, and my facebook status. Needless to say, when it comes time to do my homework or to focus on tasks at hand... the Internet is always there to distract me!
So here is my thoughts... I know self control should be able to stop my Internet use... but it doesn't...
So here is my promise to myself. I'm done with the Internet, (that's a lie!) I am only going to check my e-mail once in the morning, once at noon, and once after 5. (That's still 3 times a day, I live a sad life!) I am thinking about deactivating my facebook as well. i just don't know, it is my form of communication with my boyfriend, so that seems to be a dumb thing to do, but we could use skype. If I can't get my addiction under control in the next 2 days, I'm going to turn myself in for hardcore therapy and cutting the ties. It's a warning to myself, hopefully I can follow through with this.

29 years...

2011-02-20T23:00:00.000-06:00

29 years ago today my parents got married,

29 years ago my parents made a promise to stay together for better or for worse,

29 years ago my mom and dad got married.

I think we all know I'm a pretty big fan of my parents. A huge reason I adore my parents is cause for 29 years, I've never seen my parents fight, sure they may have a few tiffs, some sarcastic remarks towards each other, but it's always followed with a smile! My parents taught me how to love, the importance of family, and the value of hard work. They have taught me everything I know. (ok sure I've learned a few things on my own too, but I couldn't have done it without the support of them!) Its days like today that remind me that I'm lucky to be around home still, I got to spend my parents 29th wedding anniversary with them! We had a great lunch, where it still makes my heart swell how they are just one amazing unit. I had an amazing afternoon with my parents, just getting to hang out with them.

I find it funny and amazing to watch my parents. My dad is patient, kind, funny, hard working. My dad seems to always have a calm face on, which may be needed when you have a high strung daughter like myself! It may surprise some of you but I am a lot like my mother. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, my mother is successful, strong, funny, caring and still gorgeous at the age of ___ well that's nobody business but hers! ;) But my parents share this amazing love, and I guess in some ways its just kind of nice to see the future. If the best of their qualities rubbed off on me then I can hope that I end up being half the women my mom is, and that when I get married that I'll be half as happy as they are.

Stella, may have tried to jump into the picture, can you blame her though?

After 29 years, They've never looked better!

Back to Bloging

2011-02-20T22:30:00.000-06:00

Ok so I know I’m not the best at keeping up with this… oops! To be honest, I had kind of given up after the last blog. While I can’t lie and say that I am back to happy happy Laura, I may not be able to see a light at then end of the tunnel, but I at least feel like I have a flashlight!

To catch everything up, I still don’t feel that great. I have good days and bad days, I’m getting better at recognizing when I just need to go to bed, or I just have to do accomplish what I have to accomplish and focus on me. In the last week, I didn’t’ just have a flashlight in my tunnel, I had a maglight! I have some great things going for me, I need to learn to just accept things and just trust that I am making the right decisions and that god will take care of things even if I didn’t make the right decision. I also need to learn to be more confident, I've never been really confident, I talk a big game... but I'm pretty insecure, but I'm working on it. I'm going to get there sometime. I can at least see now, that I can change and work on things.

This past week, I have thrown away lots of stuff that I just don’t need/use anymore. I feel like I have cleaned up/out part of my life! In the last two weeks I’ve kept up with the dishes, the vacuuming, and cooked dinner for myself. I fell better already.

If you didn’t know I got a dog. She has been a great help as well!!! She holds me accountable, she needs me, and what a great feeling that is! She is sooo happy to see me when I get home, she has been a huge boost to me, I love taking care of her. She is the light of my life at this moment! We do have our moments of frustration too, but overall she’s been amazing!

I started doing more things on my own, I was suppose to go to a Bo Burnham show with a friend, well, he bailed, and I still wanted to go. I called day of the show, got my single ticket, and went! I was in the 3^rd row, amazing seat it was kind of nice. At the same time it was kind of hard,

Valentines day came! For the first year ever, I have a valentine, and while he may be far away, I’ve never felt more loved! I got some gorgeous roses, an exquisite necklace, and some other really thoughtful things! Now that its been a week I'm going to dry the roses so they will last even longer, or thats my hope. :)

Even hanging, they are a piece of art!

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

2010-12-21T16:03:00.000-06:00

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had my break down this weekend. I'm sick of my body hurting, I'm sick of not feeling good. I want to be everything to everyone and yet I can't do anything for myself. The tears are rolling down my face as I type this cause I don't even know how to do that.
How do turn my life around? I've tried the resolutions and that didn't work cause I didn't feel good. I have the answer to my problems or at least a solution as slow as it seems. and I know it's only been 4 days of antibiotics (but I still don't feel good) I'm hopeful that I'll get there and yet scared. I think I've become grumpy and pessimistic to life. and I just don't know how to turn that around.

Pretty Productive Day!

2010-12-14T00:04:00.003-06:00

Please forgive the mumble jumble of pictures.... I just can't get them to line up nicely and I'm too tired to deal with it! :)

I was able to take the day off today!!! It was much needed after working all weekend. So I started the day off with, sleeping in!! It was amazing, while I kind of wanted to get up earlier to accomplish something, I went on sleeping! Then I was able to talk to Brian, which always makes my day! I ate a little lunch, and then watched the E true Hollywood story of Saved by the Bell, and I may have napped a little more! I then finally awoke from my lazy day and decided to pick up all the clothes in my room… IT NEEDED IT!! I wanted to move some of my furniture around but that'll have to wait for another day, when I can get someone else to help me move stuff around, cause it's also going to have to take some re organization… but I think ultimately it'll really be a lot nicer for me to accomplish more. Now I just need to find the time and person to get someone to help me out! Ha! I was reminded that tomorrow is a potluck at work, so I had to run to the grocery store to make this DELICIOUS Corn Dip,

I make mine a lot more spicy then my mom makes hers, so I added some festive jalapenos on the top so hopefully people get the hint that it's going to be spicy! I had already wrapped Brians gifts for him. (Which is really funny seeing as how most of the stuff I am sending him he actually bought and I'm just forwarding on to him, I went ahead and wrapped that stuff up too!) But I needed to add tags to them. I love the way it all turned out, I just hope it doesn't get messed up in transit! I also finished the Stocking I made, I had wanted to make a really nice one, but thought this one was cheaper and would be able to keep my occupied in decorating it while serving the purpose… it also won't offend me if he tosses it after the season. I cut everything out on my own and of course added ample glitter. I'm actually really pleased with the way it turned out! So now it's off to bed! Tomorrow night I hope to clean up my living room and put away some of that junk from this last semester! J

Private Matters

2010-12-13T21:16:00.000-06:00

While writing my post for my blog, I have tried to use discretion on names, and events. I feel like my dirty laundry doesn't need to be hung everywhere to see, while I do enjoy being able to vent a little publicly... I don't though understand how people can put their emotions on their facebook status when they are completely inappropriate!!! There has been now 4 people on my facebook (2 of which I have already de-friended) That completely diss their spouse on facebook on their status! How disgusting is that? Now I understand people have marital issues and I don't doubt that being married is hard... but I fail to see how it would make one feel better to publicly embarrass each other, especially when your friends are friends with your spouse!
Tonight's occasion bothered me the most I think because I expected better out of this person, the previous two people I could easily have seen this talk but not the one I read tonight it read...
- Seriously thinking I should of never got married. Maybe people were right saying we were too young.
This 1. breaks my heart that she would be in pain but also it makes me ill to think that this should be public knowledge...
I have to say that this post isn't as demeaning as the other posts I've scene but I feel like If I truly had an issue with my other half then I need to take it up with him first... If I can't talk to him about it, I have my family, and friends. I don't mean to sound like I'm on a soap box but when did become ok to demean your spouse over the Internet?
- I understand that there are other issues in lives that make these things dirty, but I just don't want to read about this stuff on facebook.

It's the most wonderful time of the year! :)

2010-12-05T01:44:00.000-06:00

Alright, I'm back and smiling... ok I'm back! ha! I'm stressed to the gills, and of course when I'm stressed I tend to dwell on the negative. so this posting is focusing on a few of my favorite things.My moms Christmas tree! I love gold and red! I love being home around Christmas, I love the smells and the presents and the shopping I love Christmas trees!

This is my Christmas tree! :) It used to be in my parents basement every christmas, it's nice and small, kinda perfect for my apartment, it also brings a little bit of home to me.

This is my moms nativity, there is actually a light in the barn. I do love it.

Oh our fireplace! the most amazing place around Christmas, I love our stockings, there were made by my mom! I love how they are all unique and home made.I LOVE OUR STOCKINGS! the painted santas all along the bottom were painted by my Aunt and my mom, I still remember my mom and her painting them in our basement. I think they are extremely cute!

This is a new edition, its a lantern that normally just houses a candle, but my mom had the great idea of just filling it with a thing of potpourri then shut it again, it is REALLY COOL!!!

So those are just a few of my favorite things!

An indescribable Pain

2010-12-02T00:45:00.001-06:00

I'm 23 years old, suppose to be working on a research paper, well wrapping it up. I have another 8 page research paper due next Tuesday, a Final on Thursday, and another take home final due next Tuesday. It's freezing in my apartment, but if I turn the heaters back on I'm hot. I'm tired, my apartment needs cleaned, there is a package I want to send to my boyfriend and yet I haven't yet. I haven't done Christmas shopping yet, and while my work has been great at letting me off to work on things, I still feel like I'm so behind I can't catch up… THROUGH all this…. The only thing on my mind is how much pain I'm in. It's not normal to have your side feel like someone is stabbing you with a knife and taking all down your right side. This pain isn't supposed to continue on and on again. No amount of stretching or fidgeting will heal it. And with all the stuff I have to do all I want to do or end up doing is crying because I'm in pain, and it hurts and I don't want to hurt anymore.

P.S. I'm tired and probably a little emotional, so this may seem like a pity party, please don't worry once I get some sleep I'm sure I'll feel better emotionally.

Insert Cliché of Thankful Here!

2010-11-27T19:02:00.001-06:00

Earlier this week I was battling myself, in a post that I actually never posted, I'm glad I didn't post it. For the most part I was just whining about change and about being "left" behind. And while I may not be the quickest learner I do learn and progress.

I now realize that even with change, it'll be ok. It'll be ok because I have an amazing family and friends. I understand that it may sound like a cliché but after this week, I know it's not for me.

First let me start off with my Mom. My mom made the most amazing meals in the last 2 days, even when she didn't have to she went ahead and planned a thanksgiving dinner, in which she probably never would have had to if I didn't want it so badly. I didn't even have to twist her arm to do it, but she prepared the MOST AMAZING Thanksgiving dinner after already making a pork tenderloin dinner the night before with extra desserts. It's the subtle things that my mom does that really blow my mind. On Wednesday night she knew I didn't like the other vegetables at dinner, so she let me cook green beans… We had plenty of other amazing delicious dishes. On Thursday morning there was delicious Eric Estrada Casserole (unfortunately I became sick immediately following my favorite breakfast) but as soon as I became queasy my mom was there helping me out, and yet somehow managed to make yet another amazing meal for everyone, and also made me rice crispy treats to try to make me feel better. I mean we had a myriad of other desserts but she went ahead and made rice crispy treats because she knew they were my favorite! She hosted a BEAUTIFUL thanksgiving for friends that we had invited out! It really was an amazing thanksgiving… while earlier this week I was being negative I realized now that while things are changing, these are also good things too, because I have family and friends still all around me.

Once everyone had left and I had developed a fever my mom after WORKING HER TAIL OFF ALL DAY, rubbed my back, and focused on me. She listened to be blubber like an idiot because I didn't feel good and was feeling down. Then again this morning she got up to go to work, and made sure my fever had broke, had me call the dr and after a discussion took me to the emergency room… yes we spent the day after thanksgiving in the Emergency room, a trip that literally took 6 hours, with little results. My mom never once made me feel bad for wasting her day. She is amazing for sticking through it with me!

My dad, who does everything for my mom and for me. Every time I asked for something yesterday he got it, took care of it, and never once complained or told me I could get it myself. Once my mom and I got home we then realized that he had done ALL of the laundry too! And that wasn't a small task! My dad makes me laugh, laughs at my jokes and reminds me to stay spiritual. It never ceases to amaze me how strong my dad is, and what a great example he is. When I was younger, ok two years ago, if I was upset about something my dad would simply ask "Did you pray about it?" It'd set me off and make me so mad. Now it's a refreshing reminder that all I need to do is pray. My dad is constantly putting others before him, and takes care of everyone. I'm in constant admiration of my dad.

So today I'm extremely thankful for my parents! I know I have an amazing set of family and friends too, but today I want to focus on my parents! Mom and Dad if you read this... I love you and Thank you!

Spoiled!

2010-11-22T23:15:00.000-06:00

It's days like this that I realize how spoiled I am. While I don't feel good, and have 100 things on my plate, I was able to talk to B everyday for the last 3 days, at least for 10 min each day, just a few lines at the least....and then today nothing. We knew there'd be days like this, and I'm really remaining strong it's just funny to think how spoiled I have been and how when I am able to talk with him, I shouldn't take it for granted. Actually as I type this I realize that I did talk to him today...I just feel like it's been forever.
So I'm spoiled, those who truly know me have known that fact for a while... but I'm also thankful, and am extremely spoiled because I have someone who lights up my day or even my week!! :)

Rug Purchase Accomplished!

2010-11-20T23:10:00.000-06:00

I bought a rug today!!!! It won't be here for a week, but I can't wait!!!
I got the lamp all put togather, and only have like 1 box to finish going through... Life is great!!
here is the rug.
http://www.homedepot.com/h_d1/N-5yc1vZ1xk3/R-100628312/h_d2/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&storeId=10051&catalogId=10053
I'm lossing a little motivation... but I'm trying! :)

A Long Day!

2010-11-18T23:09:00.001-06:00

So I know this is my second posting for the day but I just gotta do it, it's become therapeutic to me. Today's progress… not much. I went to work and class. But then I got some more craft supplies that I was needing.. I'm not going to lie hobby lobby overwhelms me. Prices also overwhelm me so…. The most beautiful craft I was going to make… well I'll have to wait till I'm rich to make but that's ok. I made another magazine tree. This one was out of a reader's digest so its smaller… it's also a lot thinker which was cool! I got a creaser from Hobby Lobby, I don't know if it would have turned out as nicely if I hadn't gotten that tool! I'm glad I stumbled upon it!

Tomorrow I need to organize my crafts, and clean a little bit more. I vacuumed tonight in preparation for the new rug well and a special guest I have tomorrow… I can't wait!

Today has been long. Its been a few days since I've talked to B, and well I miss him. I'm hoping time and more understanding will make this feeling subside. I tried to remain busy but no matter what I do, He's on my mind. I know that this will make us stronger, but its still hard, different and something I just wasn't quite ready for. So I'll just say an extra prayer tonight and hope he's thinking about me too. J

Must Remain Strong!

2010-11-18T09:57:00.001-06:00

So my positivity is out the window as of 9 this morning. I don't feel good! I'm sick of not feeling good!! I want to feel normal again! If I'm suppose to eat something with my medicine so that my medicine can make me feel better, I don't think it's fair that I only feel more sick and more nauseous!!! Plus it leaves a NASTY taste in my mouth!!! I just don't think it's fair!!! Plus I have to wait till the 29th before I get CONSULTATION to figure out whats wrong... I mean they might not even have any thing for me at that point. I could go in answer a bunch of questions and still be left with the biggest question unanswered... What's wrong with me? I hate this feeling! I hate not knowing, I hate knowing that tomorrow I won't feel better. I used to think maybe it just needed to kick in but after 3 weeks... I've lost hope! I'm nauseous, my stomach feels sour, I have odd indigestion, and a stabbing pain every once in a while (it varies in location sometimes it's in my front sometimes the side, sometimes the back, one thing remains constant it's around my intestines!). I feel like it's not normal to sit at a desk and every once in a while have to move or try to catch my breath because a stabbing pain is shooting through my intestine! I feel like trips to the bathroom shouldn't take 20 min and not have much of an outcome! (maybe a little TMI but this is my journal and this is my rant!)
Ok I do feel better now though, so I'll go back to sitting at my desk working on the computer, trying not to cry.
Not to mention my physical pain, my emotional pain is that I feel like I'm failing as an employee, and a student. But I don't feel good!! So I don't want to do anything but lay around and not move, I want to be in sweatpants, in the comforts of my own home. I'm trying to remain strong, I hate people worrying about me or being weak. So I'm back to being strong.

Day One, Starts with Snow! :)

2010-11-17T23:35:00.002-06:00

So it began today, the change. Ha! Ok so it was a late start after not feeling well through most of the night but the day started none the less. I got up got ready and headed to work. Worked, there was a game today but I was still incredibly nauseous and had the weirdest indigestion so my boss thankfully let me go home once I got everyone settled and ready for the game. I'm extremely thankful for my number 2 man, without him my boss wouldn't be as flexible… Thank God J is there!!
So while physically I feel like I'm going downhill, emotionally I'm feeling better! Since my boss let me go home earlier I swung by Target on my way home so I could get some Zantac and Benadryl to ease some of my nausea and indigestion. (btw, if you want Benadryl from Target you have to get the off brand kind because the real stuff received a recall and it's on the bottom shelf under the Zyrtec, it only took me 20 min to figure that out!) but I had already known I wanted a Lamp from there so I ran down the aisle too to get that while I was there. (you can click on Lamp and you can see it!) It was the ONLY black one left!!! I'm so happy I had to stop there today or else I wouldn't have gotten it!!! But I did find it. There was no luck on find a rug so far, I've looked a lot of places, Home Depot online seems to have the most that I like, So when I talked to my mom we decided we'd go to Home depot Saturday to look! I can't wait!!!
Once I got home, I put away a few things, made some pretty good progress, but then I was pretty tuckered out so I sat down on the couch to start something relaxing. I had found this awesome craft
http://www.marthastewart.com/article/magazine-christmas-trees
So I tried to do it. Thank god for Martha's video or I would have been lost. So here is my product
While it doesn't look like much, it's harder then you'd think. I think you should use a thicker magazine then just a US weekly…

Or else you'll end up with this in the back, like I did…

So I plan on making at least 3 more. I'm going to spray paint them gold, then get spray adhesive and just sprinkle gold glitter on the top. I can't wait to finish them!!! I just need to find a bigger magazine to vary the sizes of the trees…

Their final resting places will be right there where those 3 glass canisters are, I think I'll empty the canisters buy new coffee beans and just do the same thing but throw gold bulbs in there too so then I'll have the trees and those. You'll get to see the final look. I can't wait!!!
Also if you'll notice in the mantle there is that small molding area I'd like to add some kind of accent there. I'm not sure what... But that'll come soon too!
The next item up for business is a trip to Hobby Lobby to get stuff to finish making my Christmas Cards, and also to make stockings for my mantle. I can't wait!
I also booked a lunch for Friday, pending confirmation, and Saturday with a friend. I was on the phone with a friend tonight and facebook with another one. I really have enjoyed my night even if it was just at home, it was relaxing and I didn't have to be on my feet. Plus I can be in my pajamas and not worry about anyone judging me! Alright that's all the progress for today.

Resolutions Come Early!

2010-11-16T23:14:00.002-06:00

I understand that for the most part that resolutions come at the end of the year....... But I'm changing that for me. I've been unhappy with my life for a while now; I guess I shouldn't say unhappy as much as I am unsatisfied. I've become stagnant. I deserve better! My best friend also recently pointed out to me how she has to constantly reach out to me to see how I'm doing. I think about her daily and wonder how life is away from Manhattan, and yet I wait for her to text me. That's just wrong, when did I become this person? She is not the only person I've shut out; there are many friends both near and far that I just don't ask if they want to do something/anything for some reason I've become that person who waits till someone calls me, instead of asking what everyone else is up to.
I've found an amazing man, he recently left to fight for our country (one of the many reasons I find him so attractive, his service to others). Oh man I have to sneeze SO BAD!!! It wasn't until he left that I realized how isolated I've become as a human being. (How he even reached out to me, points out how secluded I've become.) I go to work, class, and then back home and on the couch to mess on my computer/watch TV till I go to bed. Then I start it all over again. It wasn't until B and I started dating that I even left the house after work. I'm done with that!
I'm a stubborn person who doesn't like to lean on other people or have other people worry about her, so I feel like I haven't let people know how stagnant I feel when I'm alone. When I'm with people, or at work I feel like I'm a completely different person, once I turn my key in the door and I'm alone…I've become lazy, someone I'm not with other people and someone I have never been. Instead I should be calling the people who care about me most and check in with them. So I'm making a change, I miss my best friends, I miss friends, I miss my family, and I've done it to myself, I've just "eh, I'll talk to them later" when the truth is I wasn't working on anything else. So I'm making a change!

I've got some resolutions and solutions I got to make, before I drive myself INSANE!!! So not only am I going to make resolutions, I'm adding ways I'm going to accomplish this... and I hope to hold myself accountable through this blog... my journal.

2 months ago I lost over 20lbs, this last month I lost 5lbs (I've been sick so my diet is quite a skew this past month) Resolution 1. Continue making healthy life choices to continue to lose weight.
How to accomplish this: Eat more fruits; this hopefully can help my belly with being sick too!
Walk more; get up to ask a question instead of waiting for my boss to come out to me.
Maintain focus, and keep junk food out of the house! J
Resolution 1.5 I thought of this when I was at the end…. But I feel like it goes with the above so I went back up… Ok I want to cook more dinners.
I'm sick of warming stuff up in the microwave. When I lived in the studio apartment I frequently cooked a nice dinner for myself… Where did my time go?!
Resolution 2. Clean out the 3 Rubbermaid containers I still haven't cleaned out since I moved.
How to accomplish this: I will not sit on the couch ideally at the end of the day… If I truly haven't thought about whatever is in the box… it's getting thrown. Otherwise it'll be put away in its proper place.
Resolution 3. Maintain a weekly Cleaning Schedule.
How to accomplish this: This Friday/Saturday I hope to will do a deep cleaning of my apartment, then write out a daily activities chart to make sure that every day I do little things to keep my apartment cleaner, therefore keeping me saner.
Resolution 4. Buy a lamp and nice rug.
How to accomplish this: Ok come on I'm still an Interior Designer, I have a need to constantly make my space look like a magazine… do I accomplish that? No, But I want to have a nice rug and lamp to make my living room feel not so gross and dirty. And I want it…. So I win! J
Resolution 5. Actually go through my pictures/scrapbook stuff
Resolution 6. Spend more time on crafts.
How to accomplish this: This will entail a trip to hobby lobby, but this too will help me devote time to me, and continue to clean my apartment. I also am a crafty person and feel like its being suppressed through work. I'm in Grad School right now; I would like to devote a little more time to me and to school instead of just work. Isn't that what the rest of my life is for? Why am I working over 40 hours a week, and am unhappy at the end of it?
Resolution 7. Make 4 phone calls a week to family/friends.
How to accomplish this: There is no reason I can't call my grandma/brothers/friends while I'm cleaning out the toilet, putting away dishes, wiping down the counter. I need to just do it. I hate talking on the phone, I never know what to say and feel like I don't' do much but hopefully with all my other things on my to-do list this will change!

Ok so looking at this it may seem like a lot but its all stuff I accomplish before, and for some reason I've become lazy, and depressed. I am no longer letting myself waller in this filth! I'm making a change!

An Update

2010-03-22T21:38:00.001-05:00

Spring Break has come and gone, all too fast I may add, but it was a great week! The week before spring break brought on a little stress. I have a few sick family members that are on my mind, but I'm leaving that to god and trying to focus on the positive. With that in mind I left Friday to go to Denver to see Chris, We got my ski's and just hung out Friday night, and Saturday we went skiing, It was a blast, and just what I needed! Now, truth be told I'm a moderate skier (in my eyes) but then whew My brother was skiing backwards in front of me the whole way down the family fun zone so I guess maybe he is better than me. Later that night we got to go see Avatar it was really good!! I really just enjoyed the whole weekend and just spending time with my brother!! On Monday I got to have some Laura time and just played Xbox for a few hours, it was amazing and it really made me miss playing video games! L But I suppose I should focus on school before video games.

I worked wed-Friday and then Saturday well Saturday Spring had sprung!!! And well although spring isn't necessarily in the air, it will get there!!! J We had a freak snow storm on Friday/ Saturday setting all of the Midwest in frenzy, but not my mom and I! We still went shopping in KC, not the smartest choice but being home with my mom this weekend was the greatest time!!! I enjoyed every minute of it. My friend also went with us to KC so that was great!!!

And now it's back to reality. K-State has made it to the Sweet Sixteen, which means, we had a pep rally that I worked tonight. But what an exciting time for KSU athletics! Go State! But it's back to reality.

When did I grow up, and why am I fighting it?

2010-03-01T23:57:00.001-06:00

I don't know what my deal is but lately I've been realizing how old I am. I know I'm not that old but I'm the oldest I've ever been! Ahahahaha A kid that I babysat turned 14 today!!! That's just insane to me! I've lived on my own for close to 5 years now!!! My 5 year class reunion would be this summer!

I'm a full time student, and I work quite a few hours at my job, I love my job, don't get me wrong. There are days (more often than not) that I go from class to work to homework, no break not goofing off. When I do goof off, I can't truly enjoy myself because I know how much homework I really do have, and things that I really should be doing. I do like to keep busy and I don't regret my job or the hours I work or the classes I take (except music 250 it may be the death of me!!! ) It's only at times when I'm working on my homework, and someone asks if I want to go out, wants to know what I'm doing Saturday. I'll be working all day, and I don't regret it I don't want to drink myself into a stupor, but why aren't they working. How can they afford to gallivant around and go where they please? I guess I'm jealous? But I don't think I am I would never want to do those things, does that make me old?

Once upon a time going to bed at midnight was going to bed early now 11pm hits and my eyes get heavy, and I try to wrap up whatever I'm working on, because I know I gotta go again by 7 so I can hit the next day! Once upon a time I would have loved to go to multiple concerts and just run around, but now I just think that'll be an expensive night! I would much rather go to a friend's house and play with their kids (and hangout with them) then to drink. I don't want to become cynical or a fun hater but maybe my lifestyle is changing. I know some of my friends who are right there with me in these feelings they may have experienced them before me but others aren't and I just feel like I'm stuck in the middle. I'm fighting the inevitable maturity. I guess I'm just wondering Am I ready for it?

"What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a-goin' on here?"

2010-02-28T00:55:00.000-06:00

What a day! A long, long, crazy day! The number one team in the nation KU lost to unranked OK State (I'm not even going to laugh at that it could happen to anybody!!! I just hope we hold it together this week!!! GO STATE!!!) The number two team in the Nation University of Kentucky, lost to the number seventeen team Tennessee!

K-State though was able to pull out a win in the end again Missouri, who we had lost to earlier in the season! Oh, by the way K-State is ranked Number SIX!!!! At any rate I guess it was just a big day for college basketball, I can’t wait for Monday to see the new postings!!!! Hopefully KSU Shoots up!

Now even beyond that, sometimes when I’m at work I think to myself how crazy it is that I work for Kansas State University Athletics, and we are in the PRIME of our lives! Ha! So cool!

Alright that is all for today, I know it’s been a while since a post, but this is all the energy I got for now.

Night!

False Alarm!

2010-02-11T22:50:00.000-06:00

I had a rough night Wednesday night! I may have broke down, this decision making stuff may drive me nuts! So Thursday morning my mom sent me an e-mail that states-
Don''t forget to call tonight.

I hope the ad below makes you smile!

I bet you will have no problems deciding which bag you would want! :)

PD
the pic bellow was in the e-mail and it went on to say how if you spend X amount of dollars you get free overnight shipping!!! :)

So I teared up! My mom knew how stressed and upset i've been and decided to spoil me with a purse for Vanentines day?!?! I was so happy!
I quickly picked out a boxy lace purse

And a wallent i've been wanting I'd of course pay for!

Later when I called my Mom to discuss the issue of me paying for the wallet, She informed me that she was just showign me their promo, and that she just wanted to prove i could make a decision. (notice I still chose two things I can't pick just one!! :) )

Again the tear ducts swelled up, Don't tease a girl about her and her purse!!! :(

Pessimism

2010-02-08T22:42:00.000-06:00

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

While I understand this verse, I want to ask god where he placed my road map, because I can’t find it.

I used to think that I could accomplish anything that I wanted to and I miss that thought. I’m not sure if it’s experience or just pessimism that is working against me and my dreams but I’ve got a huge case of it. My dream would be to either work for a firm that did nothing but post occupancy evaluations, or facility management but these seem like jobs that would be the bees knees to me. I’ve even really thought about a firm that designs zoos. I just think those would be amazing jobs. Where do I find these jobs?!

I’ve thought about grad school, but it’d be for college student development and that’d only help me if I stayed in the collegiant facility ring, and I’m not sure I want to limit myself to that. I love my job that I do now but I think I like designing and seeing new things everyone and a while. Now I ask where is the machine that tells me what I’d be most happy at and make a little money too! I’d love to own a flat screen soon! (even though every time I turn on my TV I think about how thankful I am for my friends who gave me the TV that has lasted me 3 years now!!! Trust me I’d still use it I dream of a life with TV’s in multiple rooms!  )

Once I write this all out it seems clear to me that while grad school would be more education and another notch on my belt it may not be the right thing for me now. Maybe I should just get a job and see where that leads me, but I love my job here and my friends that will still be here and my parents! If I leave that job won’t open back up because I come back, but is it time for me to leave the nest? Is this all just cold feet? When I left for college sure there were some nerves, but I knew where I was going, it wasn’t really a choice and my brothers were a couple blocks away. But I’ve grown up; I’ve lived without my brothers around for almost 3 years now. (I’ve had other sit ins but I manage)

How does one know when it is there time to move on? How do I know that I’ll succeed?

Well that’s all, I’m not expecting answers, I just needed an outlet. This blog has been great for that!!! Otherwise I just got to remember to relax and pray.

also incase you didn't catch the title of my blogs, the next title will be Irony! hahaha

Optimistic

2010-02-04T23:30:00.000-06:00

Optimistic- disposed to take a favorable view of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.
Ok so we've talked before about life changing and things becoming different. I feel as though maybe I've become a little negative towards life. I have NO CLUE where my life is taking me, and I may complain about it at times. Ok, lately I complain about it a lot, hahaha. I've decided to be more optimistic. I know I have to relax and just let god take control, and that's hard for me. I know ultimately he is the one who decides. It's not up to me to please everyone when I can't even make myself pleased. So I'm going to sit back and just relax and try my hardest and dream big and just go for it all! I know no matter what I've got great friends, and family who will support me no matter what happens!
Ok so on to another topic....
Valentine’s Day is only 10 days away.... for those of you who don't know Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays!! Any occasion when I can wear pink and red, just makes me so happy! I've never had a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day and well lately it's looking like another year without a boyfriend but I'm really not to upset about it. I mean sure I’d like to date a certain someone right now but the more I think about Valentine’s day and well life I realize that ok so for 22 years I've been single on valentine’s day but eventually that won't be the case, and I won't need a holiday to feel extra loved, it should happen more than one day a year! :) With all this in mind it doesn't mean I still don't REALLY LOVE Valentine’s Day!!! I don't think I really relate it back to a day for couples as much as I think of it as a day for love! I LOVE Valentine’s Day! What a great day set aside to really tell someone you love them, like them or can stand the sight of them!!! hahahaha

Speaking of love, I finally get a weekend off this weekend! I'm going home!!! Play some wii with the parents; celebrate a late Christmas with my mom’s family! It's bound to be a great weekend!!!

So I guess that's just about where my head is at right now, even though it's everywhere!!! :)

PS Did I tell you that I kind of think that blogging might actually be helping with my writing skills? I've found it so much easier to organize my thoughts for papers lately. It's kind of fun!

A true friend.

2010-01-28T12:34:00.000-06:00

So I thought of this quote today,

A true friend rejoices in your successes and offers encouragement when you're down. :)

and relized how fitting it is for this time. I'm not self loating or trying to get someone to read a hidden message, but how fitting this quote is for this semester.
Issues have come and gone and a lot changes when people mature or progress with life, wither that be good, bad or indifferent. But I am finding it imporatant to remember that a true friend rejoices in your success (doesn't show jelousy or condisending thoughts) and offers encouragement when you'e down.
I read an article in O magizine last week about a lady who had recieve a journal from her life long friend and in that journal there were notes and letters between the two and the lady who recieved the gift relized that the woman that was pertrayed in those letters wasn't the woman she felt like she had been. Her notes were full of sorrow that she felt for herself, and few questions about how her friend was doing. I realize now that I don't want to look back and see that same image. I want to know that for every time i've had a pitty party that I have RSVP'd to my friend in needs pitty party. Obviosly I'd RSVP to a party of a friend.
so with all those thoughts I leave with a true friend REJOICES in your successes and offers encouragement when you're down.

I'm really trying to get better at this!

2010-01-14T22:26:00.002-06:00

So I know I'm not the greatest at this but I'm trying, tonights post won't be anything special because my keyboard on my computer is DRIVING ME NUTS!!! It doesn't detect all the keys I hit there for most of the time what I am trying to type ends up missing a bunch of letters! That's just annoying!! But I started my last semester at K-State!!!! :) (Grades pending)
The main purpose of tonights blog is to state... Wait for it... Wait for it.... I Love My Mom!!!

My first day of classes kind of had me down, stress of life after college and even just trying to finish. All it took was a call to my mom at 10 to ask her to look at something and then I said something funny (I guess) and next thing I know I'm laughin so hard I'm crying and I can't understand my mom cause she's laughing so hard!! This isn't rare for my mother and I to get the giggles, we've almost had to pull over from laughing so hard. This is just one of the many reasons I love my mom, she fixed my day!
Disclaimer: I also adore my Dad, he made me the most independent girl I know!!! (aside from Regan, I still have so much to learn) Just tell me how many Dad's get their girls craftsman drills and tool for Chritmas'. He is amazing. I guess I'll step off my soapbox now!! Night!

PS this posting took over 40 min to type up. Thanks Toshiba keyboard.

Ok so this is late but this was my Christmas

2010-01-08T22:53:00.001-06:00

So this is my parents house during an earlier snow storm but just take a look at this one and think of it blowing and dark! and that was Christmas eve!!! but it was great!

This was my mom's Christmas tree, It was GORGEOUS Tree!!!

This has to be my favorite part of Christmas. It's my parents fireplace. I love our stockings!!! they make me smile everytime i look at them. They are all a little differnt. I LOVE my Stocking!!

This is my family, it was a later christmas picture but so fun!

My Brother Chris

My brother Joe, His Christmas was brought to him by Lonesome dove.

And lastly I know I tell everyone my family rocks but this is just proof! I got a Wii for Christmas and I'm just proving that we rock!

A head that is quite un-reliable

2009-12-17T01:40:00.000-06:00

I've suffered from head aches for as long as I can remember, and was currently not battling them at all!! :) so I decided i would try to cut back on the prescriptions I took for my head aches... and well... THEY CAME BACK IN FULL FORCE!!!! which I guess I'm glad to know that the medicine really works but i get really sick of remembering to take medicine every night and i just want to not have to worry about my head. but that's my week. I've been sick. Dizzy, and nauseous and a horrible headache!! :(

"New" Found Friends

2009-12-16T00:51:00.000-06:00

So lately some things have gone crazy in our studio classes and through it all I’ve remained strong but I think that the greatest thing that has come out of it is my “new” found friends. It’s not that I didn’t like these girls before but now I think we’ve finally had an opportunity to really CLICK!!! So out of everything that has happened I’m thankful, because without it I wouldn’t have found them!

Unmotivated!

2009-12-10T02:58:00.000-06:00

Tonight I was on the phone with my mom and she stated that me wanting a big flat screen tv is an "unrealistic" Christmas present. I told my mom that Unmotivated and unproductive are two things i may be but unrealistic isn't one of them!
Looking back on it i realize I've really been unmotivated lately, or at least not motivated to do homework. I have been better towards the end of this semester (I believe only because I've had to!) but I hope that this isn't how next semester goes.
I just really wish I knew what was up on the road ahead! So i guess this is the point where my parents tell me to pray about it, so that's about all i can do!! actually for now I'm going to bed! :)

This is what I know!

2009-12-06T22:24:00.000-06:00

So tonight I was talking to a friend and although he’d been drinking he pointed out all the things he DID know, and this got me thinking with all that in mind what is it that I am sure of? So here’s a partial list. (I know great Blog entry! Ha!)

1. I know that I worked 13 hours yesterday to only go into studio when I got off and I’ve been there for 5 hours now, and it’s not looking good for getting out soon.

2. I know that when I get so tired I can’t stop yawning, it’ll be harder for me to fall asleep.

3. I know I could stay in bed for over 24 hours and it probably wouldn’t phase me, infact, I would love to do that!

4. I know that my favorite place is my bed at the end of the day!

5. I know that I actually love my job, some days it stresses me out and I don’t want to deal with things but when I sit down and think about it, I love my job!

6. I know that I love to wear jewelry but I hate it when my jewelry doesn’t stand up to the wear and tear I put it through.

7. I know that when I’m having a good hair day I tend to have a good day!

8. I know that I got some of the nicest messages this week, and one great wakeup call!

9. I know that in the mornings it makes Erin so mad when I don’t get up out of bed, but I really like sleep!

10. I know that this last semester has been my hardest!

11. I know that Aric and Kellyn are the COOLEST things that have happened to me in college!

12. I know that when Aric smiles at me or reaches for me to pick him up it MELTS my heart! It’s my favorite part of any day!

13. I know that I actually MISS the kid when he’s not around.

14. I know that I have no clue what I’m going to do after college.

15. I know that I think about my “one” (or thier lack of) on a daily basis.

16. I know that I miss my long hair and am ready for it to grow back!

17. I know I could eat pizza everyday for the rest of my life and I’d be completely ok with it!

18. I know I hate it when people lie about anything because you know you are going to get caught and that’s just rude!

19. I know I hate it when I sneeze and no one says “God bless you” or even worse don’t say “thank you “when I say god bless you after you sneeze.

20. I know that I love tv shows!! A good tv show can keep me glued for seasons on end! And I’ll quote the show too!

21. I know that I could watch family guy for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t bother me!

22. I know that I’d rather watch a cartoon then a soap opera.

23. I know that when I think about hitting a deer with my car I get really mad and it just frustrates me!

24. I know that I do drive my dream car, or what used to be my dream car till I hit a deer! I still LOVE my car!

25. I know that I will think about what I text to someone and then be upset when I don’t get a text back.

26. I know that I hate being confused, I wish I knew what god had in store for me, I know I should be more patient but at least a little map! J

27. I know that sometimes I think in facebook status, but I try to never put up a status that makes someone feel sorry for me.

28. I know that I’d rather have my brothers advice then anyone else, and get upset if they think what I did was dumb.

29. I know I’m 22 and still afraid of the dark, Not like at night in my own room or my own house but outside, or in a space I don’t know! Sick!

30. I think that Willie the Wildcat is creepy! I used to not but the more I stand around him in the tunnel the more the whole thing creeps me out!

31. I know that I wish I had more money, but I don’t know what I could do to really achieve that right now.

32. I know that I really love animated movies! They make me laugh, and a great one can make me cry.

33. I know that I hate political e-mails, if they are funny great, but if not I don’t care what obama ate for breakfast get rid of it!

34. I love the news! I like to read it hear it and watch it! A good news cast is enough to make my day!!! J

What a weekend!!!

2009-11-22T23:01:00.000-06:00

I've had a weekend and a half!!! Well It started really on Wednesday with a great dinner with a friend and her kids. After dinner we went back to her house and i gave her son, Aric 16months old, a bath. He is defiantly my little buddy!! I sure think he's great!! Then Thursday with a pub crawl of Interior Design students/ going out for Brian's 21st Birthday! It was a blast it was sooo nice to just relax for the night and have fun!!!Friday was a typical day work then basketball game then home to rest up for my Saturday!! Saturday it was up bright and early, I washed my car, cleaned it out, vacuumed it, showered and got ready to head up to Marysville to meet my parents to go to Lincoln for the game day! Shortly after meeting my parents and leaving Marysville I realized I FORGOT my cell phone in my car!!!! A day without a cell phone, it was just weird but kinda nice at the same time. I loved spending time with my parents and roommate spencer. I also got to see my aunt and uncle! :) after an unfortunate KSU loss I realized I'm no longer a Nebraska fan! I mean i will always love the color red and be jealous of their school colors but I'm a wildcat!!! Kinda a break through!!!
We left the game and headed back to Marysville, Spence and I said good by to my parents and we were off back to Manhattan. I had 14 missed texts and that did make my night! (thanks friends) Right after we got out of Waterville I hit a deer! It happened so fast! I'd never hit a deer or even been in a real accident like that. It was kinda awful! I'm lucky and I thank god for watching out for me!! He really was watching over us!! It just hit the drivers side front panel and got poop (literally deer poop) all over the side of my car. I don't have a head light but it could have been so much worse! I was going 65, and I didn't hit my breaks at all.

Like I said god must have some great things planed for me cause I'm lucky! Needless to say it was an eventful night but I am thankful that god watched over me, and that he gave me the worlds greatest parents who were there through it all, and friends who have checked on me through out today!!
So my Sunday has been lazy! (which is kinda bad since i have a paper due Tuesday) but needed to revamp and realize that I need to relax and just let god take control and he'll take me where he wants to lead me!

2009-06-18T16:42:00.001-05:00

Ok so in about 48 hours or more the last of my high school friends turns 21!! This truely excites me!! Kay will be 21!!! Janell hit it in October with a bang! ;) and Koressa in May, and I of course was over a year ago, but finally Kay rounds us out!!! I wasn't that excited at first (sorry kay) but then I realzed this is our last 21 milestone!! Our first "last" drinking bang! If that makes since. We graduate in less then a year and then where do we go? We're not promised this time togather again?! I don't want to make it emotional but these girls have been with me a lot through a lot good and bad! I know we'll stay in contact becuase it's us but it's bound to get harder! Oh well, I guess that means we'll just have to have more fun!! Well wish us luck, it could get scarey!! ;)

P.S. This is a disgusting picture of me!!!

To start things off!

2009-06-11T15:21:00.000-05:00

So this is my first blog! Just to start us off, I'm a fifth year senior at KSU, and I don't have a clue what I want to do with my life. I am really enjoying my summer of ME! My friend has been great in hanging out with me and we have funtivities every night!! It's been as simple as playing in the park but I have really laughed and enjoyed it!

If you are wondering about the title, It's my catch phrase! It's from a movie, and every time it is said I just smile! ( thanks Gregg and Chris)

Well that is all for now!